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when bad things happen….twice

April 4, 2012

I wish, really wish, I was blogging with a different kind of announcement.

Deep breath, her goes:

Keith and I were 10 weeks pregnant. I was going to announce it on the blog when we got to the 12 or 14 week mark. After having my first miscarriage last October I was extremely cautious with who I told. Things looked so good at our last several appointments and we were extremely optimistic this time around. However, we had our 10 week appointment yesterday afternoon and no fetal heartbeat was detected. It looks like we lost the baby at 9 weeks 1 day. We are in the process of scheduling a D&C procedure. That should happen either later this week or first thing next week.

The doctor assured us that this was a fetal development issue. Meaning there is nothing wrong with mine or Keith’s reproductive systems. When miscarriages happen in the first trimester it is because there are fetal development issues. Since we have now have had 2 back to back miscarriages and we have yet to have a child we will do a series of blood tests on me to test for certain things that could be hindering fetal development and growth. Things like Lupis, Diabetes, and a slew of other things including THS but we already know I have hypothyroidism. We will also do chromosomal testing on myself and Keith looking specifically for something called a chromosome translocation. This is where both, or one of us, would have all the correct chromosomes but they would be in the wrong order. So when our chromosomes combined it would result in fetal development problems. Should this be the case, it would ultimately mean Keith and I could not have children. But the doctor was quick to assure us that all of these things are very uncommon and more than likely we will never know the cause of my 2 miscarriages.

We are both pretty devastated. I think we both really thought this time around it would be the one. I didn’t want to be “that girl.” I am so angry right now and feel like life is so unfair.  I just wanted to let everyone know what happened because I know for other people who have gone through, or are going through, this it may make it easier to know someone else who knows exactly how you feel. I appreciate all your love and support during this difficult time and I can say with certainty that this is one of the hardest things we have had to go through. But Keith and I are strong, we love one another, we will grieve together and eventually make our peace with this too.

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52 Comments leave one →
  1. April 4, 2012 8:36 am

    I’m so sorry to hear this. 😦 I know you guys are trying so hard. I hope the tests shed some light on everything. xoxo you’re in my thoughts, girl. ❤

  2. April 4, 2012 8:39 am

    Kelly, I don’t even know what to say. I mean there is really nothing that I can say. I can only imagine how HARD this is for you & Keith. I seriously do not know what I would do . I just love how STRONG the love is between the two of you. That is the one thing that you KNOW will get you through this extremely tough situation.
    I am praying for you & am thinking of you. I do love that the doctor reassured you that the chromosome issue is NOT common, and that hopefully you will be able to have children. It IS very uncommon, so just remember that. I know it’s still hard, nothing is going to ‘make it better’ except for time. Again, please know you are in my thoughts & prayers.

  3. April 4, 2012 8:40 am

    Kelly, I’m so sorry. I have no idea of what you’re going through, but each day I check your blog hoping to hear good news. One day the good news will be there. I just know it! Big hugs!

  4. April 4, 2012 8:43 am

    I am so sorry, Kelly! My thoughts are with you and husband. I hope the tests offer you help and guidance on what to do next. It will be your time. I know it. You are in my thoughts. ❤

  5. April 4, 2012 8:45 am

    I’m so sorry for you and Keith. I don’t really know what else to say besides that. I hope the tests go well and lead to some results.

  6. Tina permalink
    April 4, 2012 8:55 am

    Kelly, My heart goes out to You and Keith. Praying for you guys and families of both.

  7. April 4, 2012 8:57 am

    I’m so, so sorry, sweet friend. I’m sending so much love your way.

    • April 4, 2012 8:23 pm

      Thanks Anna. I wish you so much luck and love with Lila {and hopefully very very very soon}. You are one of my oldest blog “friends” and I will be praying for you and Ryan in the coming days.

  8. April 4, 2012 8:58 am

    Oh Kelly, I am so incredibly sorry for yours and Keith’s loss. I know all of this is beyond difficult, but I’m glad you have doctors that are willing to help you. After my second miscarriage, the only thing they could test was my hormones. That’s when they discovered I had no progesterone in my system to support a pregnancy. Tony was ready to call it quits after the second time around. I think in some ways they guys have it harder than people think since they feel so incredibly helpless. Stay strong and hopefully they will be able to help you two find a way to have a baby together. I’m here for you if you need anything. My heart really does break hearing this. Many hugs to you both Kelly.

    • April 4, 2012 9:30 am

      Thanks Sarena. Another thing that was so upsettig is that my progesterone levels were through the roof. Guess it just wasn’t meant to be.

  9. Kristen Williamson permalink
    April 4, 2012 9:09 am

    Sending prayers and thoughts your way. I am so sorry that you have to experience this pain again, but know you will get through it. Wishing you peace and strength during this tough time. Hang in there.

  10. April 4, 2012 9:17 am

    I’m so so sorry to hear this. The only thing I can think is that it is just so unfair, and probably so hard on you both. 😦

    I am thinking many positive thoughts for you!

  11. Carly permalink
    April 4, 2012 9:58 am

    I am so so sorry Kelly & Keith. I cannot even imagine how difficult this is for you both. Sending love and prayers your way.

  12. Frannie Sessler permalink
    April 4, 2012 10:07 am

    Kelly my heart aches for you. I am so sorry for your loss and i am praying for you both.

  13. April 4, 2012 10:09 am

    I’m so sorry Kelly. I’ll be keeping both you and Keith in my thoughts. Again, I’m so very sorry.

  14. April 4, 2012 10:22 am

    On Kelly that is unfair and I am so sad for you. Hugs. 😦

  15. April 4, 2012 10:30 am

    I am so sorry to hear this. This is not fair at all–you and Keith deserve to have a little family…praying for answers and peace during this time.

  16. April 4, 2012 10:49 am

    You know how much I love you and am here whenever you need me.

    • April 4, 2012 11:31 am

      I know. You helped me through number 1 and I am sure I will lean on you again during number 2.

  17. Rhonda permalink
    April 4, 2012 10:50 am

    Kelly, I’m so so sorry and sad to hear this. I’ll be praying for you guys. 😦

  18. April 4, 2012 10:54 am

    I am so so sorry for another heartbreak. I read your blog everyday and I have been thinking about your outside of my daily readings and sending you positive energy and good thoughts. I hope that doesn’t come off sounding creepy but I can tell how badly you want this and how great of a couple you and Keith are. I know it will happen for you one day. good luck with all of your tests.

    • April 4, 2012 8:20 pm

      Thanks Kendall. It isn’t creepy at all…it just shows me how many people out there are rooting for me and Keith. It makes me tear up to know that so many people care. Thank you so much.

  19. vicki permalink
    April 4, 2012 10:54 am

    Hang in ther Kelly. I know it’s hard – it had 6 miscarriages but now I have 2 beautiful boys. It will happen for you and Keith – keep positive. I will keep you in my prayers.

  20. April 4, 2012 11:04 am

    Oh man, I am so so sorry to hear that this happened to you. A few friends I have are going through similar situations right now. I read your blog often and i don’t comment a lot but I want you to know that I am out there praying for your family. May you have the time to grieve, love each other and hopefully the third time around will be the one who sticks. Thank you for sharing this with us even though I can only imagine how hard it was for you.

  21. mdenisej permalink
    April 4, 2012 11:06 am

    Ray and I talked with your Dad last night…he told us the news…. Geez, Kelly…I am at a loss for words…all I can say is how awful I feel for you and Keith… I have friends who limped down this same path years ago…it was hard for them, too. …miscarriage after miscarriage….But, eventually, they carried children full-term…and are now celebrating college graduations and grand-kids. One of my friends had her thyriod removed about 2 years prior to getting married…perhaps the primary issue with her difficulty in the beginning being able to carry a child full-term. She loss 3…now has 2 wonderful boys…men, actually…and is a grandmom by one of them. Nice! I pray that you and Keith will be able to be like her…celebrate your kids’ and grandkids’ lives!!

    You are loved here in Houston….sweetie!!

  22. April 4, 2012 11:44 am

    Sending you hugs and prayers

  23. Kathryn Manske permalink
    April 4, 2012 12:42 pm

    Oh Kelly, my heart is breaking for you and Keith. I have been through miscarriage, and while I had other children at the time, I truly understand your loss. There is rarely a day that goes by that I don’t wonder who that little person might have been. Please know that I will be praying for you both.

    Kathryn Manske

  24. Elizabeth permalink
    April 4, 2012 1:34 pm

    I enjoy reading your blog and am thinking of you right now. I just went through my first pregnancy & miscarriage, and it seems that several women I now are suffering or have suffered through this recently. Best of luck with everything- it will work out one day, one way!

    • April 4, 2012 8:19 pm

      I am so sorry Elizabeth. I hate hate hate that you have gone through this too. My heart breaks for me and for you and for all the women out there you have to go through a miscarriage. Keep me posted on your journey and I will say some special prayers for you.

  25. April 4, 2012 1:40 pm

    Oh Kelly, I’m so sorry. I can only imagine how excited you were, and how heartbreaking it must be to go through this twice.
    I have several friends who went through this same thing, but they got it worked out and all have kids now. I know you will too, and when you do, you will be an amazing mother.

  26. April 4, 2012 2:07 pm

    I’m sorry this is happening, Kelly. My heart goes out to you. This will happen for you, I’m sure of it. And when it does, that will make everything that much more special!

  27. April 4, 2012 3:00 pm

    kelly, i am sitting here crying for you. I wish i could give you a hug. You and keith are amazingly strong. I wish this was not happening. I am on my knees praying for you, for a baby. Know that i am here, whenever!!

    xxoo

    Hugs.
    LC

  28. April 4, 2012 4:47 pm

    Ohhhh Kelly!!!! I am so heartbreakingly sad for you! I wish I could just come over and give you a hug and cry with you right now. I figured you were pregnant (subway + no veggies…hah) and was praying for you all! I will CONTINUE to do so even more now. Hang in there, my friend. Love to you both.

    • April 4, 2012 8:15 pm

      Thanks Katie. I just feel like I will never have anyone to eat smashed avocado pea toast with. I am heartbroken and just feel like I am losing faith.

  29. April 4, 2012 6:59 pm

    Kelly, I am so so sorry for your loss. I always think of you and know one day it will happen for you and Keith. Sending you lots of love and hugs. So sorry again.

  30. Antreshawn Buhl permalink
    April 4, 2012 8:01 pm

    Kelly,
    The power of prayer is more powerful than anything else. Whenever you get discouraged look in the bible at the work of the Lord. We don’t always understand what we go through, but God never places more on us than we can handle. Sometimes we go through trials not for ourselves, but so that we might be a testimony for someone else. Stay faithful to HIM, and I promise, HE will stay faithful and just to you! You are a fighter, and as you turn it over to the Lord to fight your battle, I promise the battle shall be WON. Not always at our time period, but HE will always work it out for our good! Hang in there sweetie, and prayers will continue to be lifted up that he gives you strength and peace as HE gets ready to BLESS YOU! Hang on, your blessing is on its way!! I love you!

    • April 4, 2012 8:17 pm

      I miss you Antreshawn. You always knew what to say to that scared little 16 year old before a track meet and I guess 15 years later that has not changed. Still scared and still needing to hear that although life is tough it will be okay.

  31. April 4, 2012 9:09 pm

    I’m so sorry Kelly. I read this earlier today on my phone and have been thinking about you all day. I’m sending you hugs through the internet.

  32. April 4, 2012 10:17 pm

    Kelly, so sorry to read this. Praying for you and Keith 😦

  33. Aunt Beckie permalink
    April 4, 2012 10:59 pm

    My Sweet Kell… U are so strong and positive Honey and good things will happen for u soon. U know we are here for u and don’t u ever forget that!! See u at the beach in May! Talk soon an I am here along with ur cousins if u need to talk! We love u much!!! XO’sl

  34. April 4, 2012 11:01 pm

    Kelly, I have never commented on your blog but I have been checking in for along time now and really enjoy you…and now I am really sorry for your loss. I too suffered with many miscarriages, my first pregnancy was a loss at 13 weeks, I lost twins at 10 weeks, 2 miscarriages days after the red line appeared, and also another miscarriage at 11 weeks. It hurts so much to loose a life you have already planned and loved. I now have 4 beautiful children. They were never able to find out why I had the miscarriages, but I did take baby aspirin and progesterone just for my own peace of mind with my last pregnancy 3 years ago. ( after trying to conceive for 2 years and finely going on clomid for a year to get preg.) I found it much better to miscarriage naturally at home…less scar tissue in the uterus and easier to deal with than the D&C. My body did not miscarriage right away, it was not fun waiting for it to happen, but was such a better experience in the end. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Keep hope.

  35. Katie permalink
    April 5, 2012 10:51 am

    I’m so sorry. I don’t comment often, but I read your blog and you seem like a genuine and sweet person. I hope they are able to find out what’s going on. Lots of good thoughts.

  36. gettinfitbritt permalink
    April 6, 2012 5:31 pm

    My heart aches for you and Keith both! Know of my love for both of you, always! You are in my thoughts and prayers always. My heart broke a little bit when you told me on Tuesday. I’ll always be here for you no matter what, my dear!

    ❤ ❤ ❤

Trackbacks

  1. how I cope with loss « What Kelly Said
  2. let us help each other « What Kelly Said
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  4. life update « What Kelly Said
  5. my life according to tests « What Kelly Said
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