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let us help each other

April 11, 2012

Over the last week the outpouring of love I have received from you guys has been amazing. I have also been flooded with emails from people who have a story of their own. Stories that would break your heart and stories that would give you hope.

So many people have emailed me to say they think I am brave. Brave?? Brave for sharing my story publicly. I don’t look at it as bravery but more as a way for me to cope and deal. I have had so many people ask me questions they are too afraid to ask other people in their lives. Maybe it is the anonymity of the blog world that makes reaching out to a stranger easier.

I never wanted to be the girl people came to for advice on miscarriages. I can think of at least ten billion other topics I  would like to give advice on. But I also know that part of my journey is helping others as well as healing myself. I can now empathize with these women versus simply sympathizing with them. And if I can help just one person to feel not so alone or to find comfort then I will.

Maybe some of you are struggling with questions or worry and maybe some of these topics will help even more people. Please remember that I am not an expert and everything expressed below is simply my opinion drawn from my own experiences.

Let us help each other.

Reader Question: I am not having regular periods. Sometimes I have one and sometimes not. Do you think I am ovulating or will have trouble getting pregnant in the future?

I believe women are meant to have monthly cycles and it is a signal that our reproductive systems are working correctly. I think if you are not having regular periods then you should definitely see your OBGYN or Family Practitioner. I am not qualified to say whether you are/are not ovulating but I think you should definitely get things checked out.

Reader Question: I had a miscarriage 6 months ago and I am too scared to try again. My husband is ready but I don’t know how I would handle the loss of a second pregnancy. What should I do? How did you know when you wanted to start trying again?

I am so sorry this happened to you. It is unfair on so many levels. I can’t tell you when to start trying again. Only you and your husband can make that personal decision. I know for me, I just wanted to try again as soon as possible so I could have a baby. I feel the same way now. But that’s me and there is no right or wrong decision. Good luck.

Reader Question: One of my dear friends had a miscarriage and I don’t know what to say to her?

You don’t necessarily need to say anything. I think what I appreciated most was just knowing my friends were there for me should I need to talk. My advice is just let her know that you care and are there for her and when (and if) she is ready she knows she can come to you.

Reader Question: I am having fertility problems and I am so scared I will never have a baby. Did you ever go through fertility treatments?

I am so sorry you are having trouble conceiving. Keith and I did not have any infertility. There was a time when I was not ovulating or having regular periods. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and started taking medication. I began ovulating about 2 months after taking the medicine and got pregnant soon thereafter the first time. I know that my OBGYN has support groups available for miscarriage as well as infertility. Maybe yours does too and it might be worth looking into if you are comfortable.

Reader Question: I think I might have hypothyroidism. How can I be sure?

You need to talk to your doctor. They can run a basic THS test (thyroid hormone) and see if you have elevated levels. If you do most likely you would be referred to an endocrinologist who would run a full thyroid and hormone panel.

Reader Comment: I had 4 miscarriages before bringing my beautiful son into this world. Don’t give up hope.

Thank you so much. I am so sorry you had to go through 4 miscarriages but am so happy you have a healthy baby boy today!

Reader Question: How do you deal with the feeling of envy and jealousy towards friends who are pregnant or currently have children?

It’s hard! No bones about it. It is difficult sometimes to see friends or bloggers get pregnant so easily but at the same time I wouldn’t wish my pain on anyone. My only advice is when you feel those feeling start to arise remind yourself why you are friends with this person and what they bring to your life. Then focus on the positive things in your own life that bring you joy.

Reader Question: I love that you got a puppy. Has is really helped?

A friend of mine who walked a similar and much harder path that I have so far got a puppy when she was going through her troubles. She suggested it to me. Keith and I had been thinking about it anyway since we put down our 16 year old dog last summer. Once she suggested it we knew it was the right thing to do. It has helped so much. I can’t even begin to explain. She is precious and Keith and I both feel like she was meant just for us. We have had her for 5 days and I can’t even being to imagine my days without her.

Oh and the friend I mentioned above has a happy ending to her story. 🙂

Reader Question: Are you really as positive in person as you come across on your blog? (note: I took this sentence out of context and there was much more to it)

Ha! Honestly, no? I tend to be a more negative, glass half empty kind of girl by nature but I don’t walk around all the time in a bad depressed mood either. I just tend to see the negative side of things first. But I am a strong person and even though I may not initially see the positive side of things I eventually get there. Plus Keith is the complete opposite of me and usually gets me to the positive side faster than I would probably get on my own.

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I hope some of these questions were helpful to you out there. I appreciate everyone who has emailed me with stories, comments, questions, concerns, etc. We are a great community!

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. April 11, 2012 7:22 am

    I still think you’re brave for sharing and helping others. thinking of you girl

  2. April 11, 2012 8:30 am

    I think it’s brave of you to share all this, I don’t know if I would be able to if I were in your position.

  3. April 11, 2012 10:29 am

    Kelly, you are seriously incredibly. SERIOUSLY. I am in awe of your openness about all of this. My heart and love just go out to you!

  4. April 11, 2012 11:06 am

    true strength! this i KNOW and have seen in REAL life from YOU!

  5. April 11, 2012 9:50 pm

    I love that you took the time to do this!

  6. April 13, 2012 9:13 am

    As for what to say to the person who has had a miscarriage, I think just “I’m sorry” and “What can I do?” suffice. There are so many things that people said to me that made me feel worse (like ‘it wasn’t meant to be’) and really I just wanted people to be sad with me and mourn the loss of my baby like I was.

    You’ve meant so much to so many people. Thank you.

  7. April 16, 2012 9:19 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss.But you really are such a positive person (even if don’t necessarily think you are) – I love that you have used your experience to try to help others. Stay strong. I am praying for you and your husband.

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