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double standards

July 7, 2011

So today I want to talk about double standards; not double standards between a man and a woman but specifically between yourself and other people. Many of you know that I am currently going back to school and one of the things that has been discussed is the theory that when we succeed we attribute that success to something we have done. We’ve earned it. But when we fail we attribute that failure to some other outside reason or we will blame someone else. Even if all things are held constant we will view the situation differently based on how well we perform in that situation. It also works with other people. When someone else does something really well and we do not we attribute that person’s success to luck but if the situation is reversed and we do something really well and our co-worker (or friend, or competitor) does not we attribute our success to be something we earned and we assume the other person’s failure was because they just didn’t try hard enough.

I know I do this…especially when I am competing!! Whenever I do something well I do think it is because I have worked hard and have earned it but when I get beat I will usually find some excuse as to why that person beat me. It can’t ever be because they worked hard and earned it. Crazy! Double standard number one.

What about you? Do you think this theory applies to you?

Another double standard I have recently noticed about myself is when it comes to social media and my husband. Keith has never been interested in social media until recently he decided to get a Facebook page. This was actually good because he was using mine to communicate with a lot of his friends and I kept urging him to just get his own page. He finally did and I felt myself feeling a little weird. Maybe jealous? It was surprising to me because I am not a very jealous person when it comes to my relationship with Keith. But now all the sudden he was becoming friends with people (okay let’s be real) women from his past and I was like woah…who is that, who is she, how do you know her, etc? Now I don’t know who he is talking to because he isn’t using my page anymore. It’s weird because I have plenty of male friends on FB and some I even dated and yet I don’t see anything wrong with it. I talk to guy friends on FB all the time so why then is it a problem when Keith does it? Double standard number  two!

In your mind, are some things okay for you to do but not your significant other when it comes to social media?

Last one, I will be honest about my working out habits. I typically work out twice a day Monday through Friday. I know some of you are going to jump on me but I am just being real here. Then on the weekends I usually don’t work out. Sometimes I do a Saturday  or Sunday workout but as of late I haven’t been. I have been taking 2 full days to recover from my 2-a-days during the week. I might do weights and then a boot camp or I might go running and then go to my boot camp class. But nevertheless I usually workout twice a day. So why then does it bother me so much when other people work out twice a day? I swear…whenever someone else tells me they do 2-a-days I get jealous or I make assumptions about how unhealthy it is. If Keith mountain bikes and lifts weight in one day I caution him and get annoyed that he is working out so much. What gives? Double standard number three.

Do you have double standards when it comes to how much you work out?

Okay those are my double standards for the day? I just painted a wonderful picture of myself didn’t I? Now who wants to be my friend?? haha! 🙂

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13 Comments leave one →
  1. July 7, 2011 8:13 am

    I love how honest you are! I often workout twice a day as well but certainly find myself getting upset at others who say they’ve worked out twice! As for the first scenario, I’m the opposite. I’m quick to own a failure but have trouble owning a success! When others succeed, yes I may be jealous at first but then it’s quickly turned into self-bashing! Wow, too much info! Have a great Thursday!

    Katie : )

  2. July 7, 2011 8:15 am

    Haha – I’ll still be your best friend, don’t worry 😉

    I definitely don’t think the first one applies to me – when someone else does something well I’m usually too busy admiring it to think about whether it was luck or hard work! I just tend to look up to others who do a good job I think.

    I also don’t have double standards with workouts – when people work out twice a day, I again tend to admire them for it! I don’t often compare what I’m doing to others, since we’re all different and all need different things, so maybe that’s why I don’t think about it?

    But the social media thing is a DEFINITE yes!!! I couldn’t relate (or agree!) more with that whole paragraph!! Haha.

  3. July 7, 2011 8:35 am

    Oh my gosh, Kelly, I do two a day workouts too…and I’ve been kind of feeling guilty about it..like I don’t even want to post it on my blog, because I know people will jump down my throat. BUT I am taking care of myself..like with getting the proper nutrition.
    I am the same though, when I hear other people are doing them, I’m like ‘what?! Why do YOU do two a days?!’ Like I should be the only one doing them.
    And, yes, about Facebook..when I first met Craig I was really curious about all of the ladies that he had on his Facebook for friends. I too, am NOT a jealous person. And then I found out his ex-girlfriend was one of his ‘friends’ I was like oh no! haha! Not like he ever talked to her or anything, I was just like WHY would you have her as a friend?! (I never asked him..thought it would be better that way, especially since we were just dating.)
    LOVE your honesty.

  4. July 7, 2011 8:43 am

    I totally hear you on the Facebook thing! I have a ton of guy friends, but I get defensive with a girl tries to friend Lee. I think it’s because I know that my friends are just my friends, whereas, I don’t know who these girls are and what their intentions are. I totally believe Lee when he says it’s just a friend and I trust him 100%, but I find myself wondering why the girls friended him in the first place. Stupid jealousy!

  5. July 7, 2011 8:57 am

    I think we’re all guilty of having double standards about things. It’s only human. I’ll still be your friend!

  6. July 7, 2011 9:12 am

    I have tons of double standards. Its a little unfair, but that’s just how it is.

  7. July 7, 2011 9:16 am

    Thanks for being honest Kelly — I definitely do all of those things too (except the 2-a-day workouts, I’ve always wanted to do them but usually feel too tired to do more than 1 workout in a day!)

    Although, I will say that if I succeed in something I sometimes attribute it to luck, and if I fail at something I beat myself up and blame myself — but it all depends on the situation.

  8. July 7, 2011 9:23 pm

    I just read Keri Russell is pregnant again and had to make sure you knew. 🙂

  9. July 8, 2011 8:49 am

    I definitely have double standards about the work out thing. I will shake my finger at you for doing 2-a-days 5 times a week (bc I used to do that when I had a problem with over-exercising) but I do get jealous…like you will lose wieght or get more fit than me. But if I work out twice a day (which is rare anymore) I thnk it’s okay. It IS a double standard!!

    Just curious why you work out twice a day though? You definitely don’t need to !!

  10. Hilary permalink
    July 8, 2011 6:04 pm

    I have a double standard on the first one, too, but mine is sorta opposite. When I do something well, it’s luck and when other do something well, it’s because they worked hard or deserve it.

    Also on the social media thing, I am a bit opposite. I could care less who the hubby talks to or is friends with, but I feel a little guilty that I have some exes on mine even if they are friends and usually refrain from messaging them or commenting on their pages and posts even if I know J wouldn’t care.

    I do agree on the exercise, though. I will look at how much someone else is doing or how often and think it’s a bit much but I had years where I did two-a-days (and still have a few, though now it’s walking and yoga – nothing intense) and thought it’s totally fine.

    It’s funny how our views of others vs ourselves can be so different. I could see someone with the same exact shape as me and think they look great and then find the flaws in my own (same size) thighs, arms, stomach, whatever. I guess the lesson is to be as nice to ourselves as we are to others. Seems so simple 🙂

  11. July 9, 2011 2:48 pm

    I loved this post! And could relate to many of the things you were saying. One double standard I have, which I hate to admit to, has to do with guys I have dated in the past. I legitimately want them all to be happy and tonfind someone. But I don’t want that to happen until I’ve found someone. Pretty much they can be happy but only after I am lol- that’s awful of me.

  12. July 10, 2011 8:41 am

    Wow – so we are very similar…well, I don’t work out twice a day. But I get “jealous” of people who do – and I get jealous, almost angry, mad, at people who can just simply eat a salad and be done with it; in a job they love; have NO debt because of parents or whatever….grrr! It’s horrible – no, I’m horrible!! I’m trying to work through this stuff. I know it’s my own issues, insecurites…when these anxious feelings come up, I try to stop and ask myself why am I feeling anxious about it? And what can I do about it? Accept that it’s the way it is and breathhhhhhe, and try to wish gratitude towards what I have and must work towards. And accept that other people have their own stories, struggles, lives – and even if they DON’T work as hard to get somewhere or something or don’t face struggles – so what?! That shouldn’t matter and take away from what anyone gets in life.

    Like right now, I’m peeved that all these Hollywood stars in their “dream” la-la land get to see the Royals in red-carpet events while the rest of us have to line up for hours for a glimpse -maybe- who do these stars think they are?

    See?! I’ve got issues 😉 – and now I’ll, uh, end my novel. Cough, cough…

  13. July 11, 2011 8:25 am

    Agreed with you on the FB thing. It irks me if I think about it too much…

    as far as working out goes…i typically DO think its unhealthy when people start working out two times a day because I know that when I did that, it was.

    however, i try to refrain from judgement bc everyone is different and we dont know all the details!

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