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I’ve been sitting on a secret

June 27, 2011

I have been sitting on a secret. A big secret. Here’s the thing about a secret. If no one knows then it is safe. No one can judge. It makes it less scary when only you know because if you fail or if it doesn’t work out you haven’t disappointed anyone. It would be like it never happened. Only you would know. That is how I feel. I feel like right now my secret is safe. I don’t have to worry what anyone will think or how to explain myself if I fail. I like not having that pressure. I have never been a big fan of pressure.

I’ve alluded to it here and here, but wasn’t ready to explain or talk about it. I think I’m ready now. Why? I don’t know. Maybe because I don’t feel like I have anything left to lose. Have you seen Bridesmaids? I have. I didn’t like the main character, Annie. I didn’t like her because it hit a little too close to home. I know I come across as a happy go-lucky type of girl but truth is I am lost. Really lost and I have been for a very long time. Professionally. I am lost professionally.

I should give you some background. I graduated from Texas A&M University in 2003 with a Bachelors in Business Administration with an emphasis in Human Resource Management. When I was in high school all I wanted to do was be teacher. When applying to A&M I had to actually apply to different schools with a first and second choice. I used the college of education as my first choice and then because I didn’t have a second choice I used business. I got into both and found out it was important to my Dad that I get a business degree. So I did. I got the business degree. I graduated and for the next 5 years floated around in corporate America in training positions and human resource positions. I hated it. HATED IT. In fact I would cry every Sunday about going to work on Monday morning. It was horrible. Finally, Keith couldn’t take it anymore. He asked me what I wanted to do. I remember feeling so lost and helpless and I told him I didn’t know. He pushed further and asked me what interested me.

Well at that time the only things I had an interest in were running. It was definitely my distraction mechanism. (I mean let’s be real here) So I told Keith that running and exercise is what I liked. So he said fine get certified to be a Personal Trainer. I thought PERFECT! So I did. Then I thought nutrition would be interesting so I got certified in that and became a Nutrition Specialist. Well now let’s fast forward a few years. I realize that I have NO TRUE PASSION for either of those things. I like to exercise and I like to eat healthy but I don’t have a real career interest in those things. Make sense? I was just too obsessed with them (in a negative way) and thought I had a passion for them. I don’t. So I am back at square one still trying to find the answer to the question….WHAT DO I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE??? I’m 30. Thirty!

So my therapist (yes I have a therapist…that can be another post for anther day but I think it is the best thing I have ever done for myself) asked me what would I do with my life if degrees and education didn’t matter. As in what would I do tomorrow if I could. She said it could be anything from a writer to a surgeon to a lawyer. Degrees don’t matter…I am qualified to do anything in this scenario. So I sat there and quietly thought about it. I opened up every single possibility…I mean if degrees don’t matter than who cares what I pick. And I kept coming back to just wanting to be a teacher. It is really all I have ever wanted to do. All I ever said I would do. In high school I planned on it. But then I got distracted and got off path. So I did it! I applied, got accepted and have gone back to school to become certified to be a teacher. The beauty is I can still do my current job. I can still personal train and still cook for clients all the while. It all works out.

I know this isn’t an ideal time to be looking for a teaching job, but by the time I finish hopefully things will start looking up. I am getting certified in Math, Science, Social Studies and English for grades 4-8. I feel like I am finally getting to the core of what I want to do with my life. I just wish it hadn’t taken me so long to figure it out. But at least I’m doing it and far other people aside from me have started new careers at much older ages. So hopefully I am going to be okay.

There….secret out.

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53 Comments leave one →
  1. June 27, 2011 8:00 am

    Good luck, Kelly! It’s always a little scary to make such a big career change. But you’re doing the right thing- it’s important to be completely happy with what you’re doing for yourself! Happy Monday!

  2. June 27, 2011 8:00 am

    It’s never too late! 30 is still super young to be teaching 🙂 I’m so happy you did it and are finally feeling like you’re satisfied professionally, there’s nothing better!

  3. June 27, 2011 8:05 am

    I know it feels like 30 is late to start but it really isn’t. I’ve known many people that waited til much later in life to get their masters or finish their bachelors. You still have a long long life ahead of you and it’s awesome you realized NOW that you wanted to do something else. Imagine if you waited. You should be proud of your decision.

  4. June 27, 2011 8:07 am

    Good luck! Do what makes you happy Kelly.

  5. June 27, 2011 8:12 am

    I know exactly what you are feeling in this aspect. All I’ve ever wanted to be was a teacher and I let myself get distracted as well. Allen and I agreed that after we get married later this year that I will go back to school the following semester. I’m super excited about it and I too hope the economy and situation for teachers starts to change because it’s all I really think I’ll ever be good at.
    Well that and owning a snocone stand 🙂

    I’m very happy for you and know you will succeed in this new path!

  6. June 27, 2011 8:12 am

    Ah! Kelly! I’m so excited for you! I got chills when you said that you just kept coming back to being a teacher. I’m so passionate about teaching and if you’ve kept coming back to it over the years then you’ve definitely got a passion for it, too! I am here to be of ANY help you need!

    And as far as it being difficult to get in to education right now, here’s what I have to say: Every year there will be more students in the state of Texas. Every year there will be teachers who retire and teachers who realize that education is not for them. Every year there will be teachers who move in to positions that are not in the classroom. Jobs are available, just do whatever it takes to be the most qualified candidate you can be and you should be fine.

    Where are you going to school? Is it an alternative certification program or a college program? You can email me will all the specifics if you want! I want to hear all about it!

    • June 27, 2011 10:33 am

      I emailed you….thanks for your enthusiam Tara and your sweet words! It makes me feel like this is okay!

  7. June 27, 2011 8:13 am

    I am 33 and back at school, you are never too old to start again.

  8. June 27, 2011 8:17 am

    I am SO incredibly proud of you, Kelly! You are an amazing teacher already- that will only become more solid when you get in the classroom!

  9. June 27, 2011 8:35 am

    Wow, congratulations, Kelly! That’s so admirable for you to get out there and do what you truly want to do.
    I, unfortunately, know all too well about how you’ve been feeling. I’m at that same point right now…totally lost, professionally, and have no idea where to go next. It’s frustrating…

  10. June 27, 2011 8:42 am

    I am in your same exact situation. I am actually one semester away from having my certification, but I didn’t finish because of personal things that went on in my life in the past couple of years. I’m not even sure I want to be a teacher and I think I was doing it more for my ex than myself, but now I am at the point of having no idea what I want to do and it’s scary. I want to take the same fitness and nutrition path, but I’m afraid to take such a paycut from where I am now. I just try and tell myself that things will eventually fall into place and we are on a certain path for a reason. 🙂

  11. Elena Sanchez permalink
    June 27, 2011 9:39 am

    I think what you are doing is great, as the infamous Mr. Didier would say, “It never to late to go back and follow your dreams, and you are NEVER to old to go back to school.” I live by the motto everyday when I am walking to class on Texas State campus, knowing that I am more 8 years older than a majority of the students. In the end I am doing what I what do to and not what anyone else feels or thinks I should do. It feels great!

    Stepping off my soap box…..You will be an amazing teacher and influence many children as you have beautiful personality and have made a great impact on people who are in your life today.

    Best of luck to you Kelly! :o)

    • June 27, 2011 10:34 am

      Thanks Elena!! And I know that you do know how I feel and all the emotions going through my head! You are an inspiration too! 🙂

  12. June 27, 2011 9:41 am

    Are we twins?? I think we might be… A&M, College of Education and HR (my degree is now HR), started out in middle school math/science, got out because I didn’t see myself doing that long term and I wanted more of a “career??”. I love my current job, but I still have that longing to be a teacher. Everyone always asks me if I am ever going to go back to school to get my masters, and I always tell them that if I go back to school, I’m going back to get my teaching certificate. Good for you! I can’t wait to follow you along on your journey!!

  13. June 27, 2011 10:13 am

    I love how open you are to us. Good luck finding a job! I think you’ll be a very kind, and such a great teacher 🙂

  14. June 27, 2011 10:21 am

    Congrats, Kelly! This is awesome! The truth is that many people spend their whole lives trying to figure out what they really want to do professionally. All that matters is that you’re on the best path for you right now! 🙂

  15. June 27, 2011 10:26 am

    YAY!!! Good for you! You will be an awesome teacher.

  16. June 27, 2011 12:07 pm

    Hooray for having a new path! I’m similar in that I always wanted to be a teacher. But ended up in structural engineering. I thought that I would get my PhD and be a professor, but that hasn’t happened yet. I really enjoy what I do, but sometimes I think that I’m not cut out for the work environment. I like people too much! I toy with going back to school and becoming a high school physics/math teacher. I might just do it when we get to the kids phase of life.

    GOOD LUCK WITH THOSE MIDDLE SCHOOLERS! You have more patience than I do!

  17. lowandbhold permalink
    June 27, 2011 12:42 pm

    It’s never too late to go after what you want. You’re an inspiration and I’m so happy for you!

  18. June 27, 2011 1:35 pm

    Good luck! It’s important to find a job that makes you happy! I’m glad you’re making moves to make yourself happier.

  19. Kristen Williamson permalink
    June 27, 2011 2:17 pm

    Congrats and props to you for your decision! It takes some real courage to be that honest with yourself. Life is too short to not do things that you love and feel passionate about. Very cool!

  20. June 27, 2011 4:18 pm

    oh my gosh I am so so excited for you!!! You have that perfect teacher handwriting too!! You are needed so much in our society today. Way to find that passion Kell. I really hope you write a book some day too.
    🙂

    • June 27, 2011 4:26 pm

      Thanks Lindsay!! I am excited! Keith is on me for that book idea too! haha!

  21. June 27, 2011 5:11 pm

    Congrats, Kelly! I know the feeling of being in limbo not knowing what it is you want to do…good for you for following your gut! You’ll make a great teacher 🙂

  22. June 27, 2011 5:25 pm

    I think it can be really hard to make a career change.. when you’ve been in a career for a certain amount of time.. and I think you are so BRAVE for taking the plunge and doing something that YOU want to do!

    I just finished my first year of teaching (2nd grade.. certified forK-6) and loved every second of it! IT is SO satisfying to see the difference that you make in a child’s life.. every single day!

    GOod luck.. and I look forward to reading more!

  23. June 27, 2011 6:34 pm

    Kelly, I missed this post, so I’m late to the party, but– CONGRATS!!! First of all, I totally sympathize with you– that Bridesmaid’s character hit a *little* too close to home for me too. I think honestly that it’s a problem that a lot of people in our generation deal with– at least, I know I have a lot of friends who have gone through similar things.

    But, how exciting that you’re taking a step in the direction you want to follow. And (without ever having met you, ha), I think you’d be an EXCELLENT teacher!! Big congrats, and I’m so excited to see how this develops for you!

  24. June 27, 2011 6:47 pm

    Yay! I’m so excited for you!!! I like to believe that if you are on the correct path in life everything has a way of working out, so don’t worry about the teaching job because one will surely come your way!

    I think it is completely normal to be lost, professionally speaking! Jobs are something you have to try your hand at before figuring out what is a good fit. And I think you will be a wonderful teacher, I already learn quite a bit from you 🙂

  25. June 27, 2011 6:56 pm

    Secret’s out! Kelly this is SO exciting! It’s kind of funny because you are I are flip-flopping. I’m switching jobs to be a health counselor and you are studying to become a teacher. Let me know if you need anything! I’m proud of you! And having a therapist is AWESOME btw!

  26. June 27, 2011 8:22 pm

    That is awesome that you realized a problem and went for it instead of letting it go. I know where you were. I was there a year ago for a year and am now happy with my profession–at a school! I’m the marketing and development person and I feel like I’m doing what I was meant to do. Never felt like that before!

  27. June 27, 2011 8:56 pm

    The best kind of secret! Congratulations! That is awesome to make the change for yourself, I can’t wait to learn more about your journey!

  28. June 27, 2011 9:34 pm

    I’m 31 and just recently quit my job without anyone to support me so yeaaaaahhhhh…..

    Good for you for figuring out what you want to do and going for it–congrats!!

  29. June 27, 2011 10:10 pm

    Kell! I LOVEEEEEE this! So proud of you 🙂 You’re going to be one of those amazing, inspiring teachers that everyone loves! I just know it! And we’ll still have time to start our wedding / event planning business! xoxo

  30. June 28, 2011 6:25 am

    Good for you! That is awesome that you decided to make a career switch! I can definitely relate to the whole crying every sunday night ordeal…and I’m still in that boat. I might email you about that soon…

  31. June 28, 2011 6:49 am

    That’s great, Kelly! I’m completely understand not liking your current career path because I’m in the same boat. It’s really silly that we’re supposed to know what we want to do with our lives at age 18 and that decision that we make, we’re supposed to stick with for our entire working career.

  32. June 28, 2011 8:25 am

    I love this post and I love your bravery and openness. It is so inspiring to see you take charge of your life. Can you move to San Antonio in a few years so you can teach my kids?

  33. Julie permalink
    June 28, 2011 10:18 am

    I’m so happy for you!!

  34. June 28, 2011 11:26 am

    I am in a very very similar spot as you and have gone to school for three seperate degrees and am still lost! However, I am feeling a bit more comfortable in where I am headed now! I am happy that you are finally going after what it is you have truly wanted to do for so long!! Good luck!!

    Katie : )

  35. June 28, 2011 11:31 am

    Good for you! Taking that first step was brave; you can do it!

  36. June 28, 2011 12:46 pm

    it’s never too late. I finally made the decision to go back to school to do what i want. its hard, but worth it.

  37. June 28, 2011 1:50 pm

    you have no idea how much I relate to this post! I thank you so much for sharing. Honestly you should check out 40:20 Vision blog. I know its 40 year olds talking to 20-somethings, but you are still pretty much in your 20s when you are 30. Right!? YES.

    Please feel free to talk about it more on your blog! It might get other people to open up as well.

  38. Karen Laine permalink
    June 28, 2011 7:32 pm

    Kelly, Kelly, Kelly –

    You are SUCH a babe in the woods, my friend! I’m approaching 52 and I STILL struggle with whether what I’m doing is what I really want to do!!! 🙂

    Deepak Chopra, who isn’t necessarily someone I follow, wrote a really great little book years ago called ‘7 Spiritual Laws of Success’. His last chapter is all about living your Dharma. To grossly paraphrase, ‘Dharma’ is defined as ‘if you could do anything you wanted, and money was no object, is that what you’re doing today?’ His contention is that if you can’t answer yes, you’ll never find true happiness.

    That has stuck with me for many, many years and I continue to be fascinated by how many people I know that can NOT say yes to that question.

    So, GOOD FOR YOU for taking the steps to put you closer to the ‘yes’!!!!!

    And, just in case you’re curious, teaching is also the one thing that keeps bubbling up for me! Still trying to decide if that ship has sailed for me!

    All the best – K.

  39. June 29, 2011 3:27 pm

    OMG Kelly, YOUR story is hitting way too close to home for me.
    I am in the same boat. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a teacher & I still do. I was an intern in college at a local high school & I LOVED every minute. The only problem is that now I have a wonderful job, that I do love, but in the back of my head I’m still wanting to be a teacher one day. It would just be REALLY hard for me to leave my job.
    Also, where I live in Florida is not hiring teachers, unless you have teaching experience. It’s SO frustrating because how am I supposed to get experience when they aren’t hiring?! Grr! But I’m hoping that one day, once the economy gets back on track (*fingers crossed*) that I can fulfill my teaching dreams.
    Thanks for sharing this & I am SO SO SO happy for you!! Congrats 😀

  40. June 30, 2011 1:55 pm

    Wow can I relate! Not only on the graduating from A&M (2000 for me) but in feeling stuck professionally. I only got a computer science degree because it’s what my mom does and it seemed like a good fit at age 19. I’m now 33, have been in the industry 10 years, and am miserable! And I know the only person who can change that is me. Sigh.

  41. July 7, 2011 1:44 pm

    Congrats! This is wonderful and I know you will be a wonderful teacher! And you are giving me hope…because I HATE being a lawyer and I DO NOT want to do this…and I’ve wanted to go back for my PhD in psychology…and I’m finally taking the GREs in two weeks. Eeek.

    • July 10, 2011 2:35 pm

      Pen! wow…I had no idea you didn’t like being a lawyer! I am so pumped you are going back to school!!! CONGRATS!!!

  42. Gillian permalink
    July 9, 2011 8:23 pm

    Thank you for this post. I am 24 and have to start over again and feel like I should be at a better place in my life than I am now. I have a B.S. in education and am now going back to nursing school. I had started when I was 18 as a nursing major, but got sidetracked and distracted and went to another major. I feel like I am finally getting it right, but feel like I am old to be starting back at square one. It is so nice to know that there are other people out there who don’t have it all figured out. I have been following your blog for a bit and I think you are an excellent writer and look forward to the recipes. I made the pumpkin muffins that taste like donuts and they were so tasty. Thank you so much for your blog.

    • July 10, 2011 2:34 pm

      Thanks for the sweet compliments Gillian. I appreciate it! I just want you to know that I am proud of you (regardless of having never personally met you) because you are following your dreams and really DOING IT! Congratulations on going back to nursing school! And if I am not too old at 30 to be going back to school then you aren’t too old at 24! 🙂

      I am glad you like the muffins. I changed them up a bit the other day and took the pumpkin out and used applesauce with a small can of crushed pineapple…wow! Really good! 🙂

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