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rest in peace

June 3, 2011

Today is not a good day. Today we are putting our dog, Kodi, to sleep. He is (originally) Keith’s dog and is almost 16 years old! Thankfully he doesn’t have cancer or anything like that but he is really old and his body is just giving out on him. It is hard to watch. He can  no longer walk without lots of help, he is on pain medication and arthritis medication, and his quality of life and dignity is fading fast. This is really a difficult time for us both. I take comfort in the fact that he has had a good life and he will be missed. Keith has been thinking about this for a while but I have been the one saying no. I wasn’t ready. Kodi and I bonded when I had my accident and since then I haven’t wanted to let go. I had this horrible insomnia and I was so depressed and he was the one who laid by me day in and day out. Right now I am dealing with a lot of guilt. I feel guilty. I mean he trusts us and we are putting him to sleep. I feel awful. I have a temper and I yelled at him from time to time when he accidentally messed on my floor or when I was in a bad mood. I hope he knows I love him and I really will miss him a lot. I had my private moment with him last night and promised him I would take care of Keith. He was very loyal to Keith and I firmly believe the reason he hung on so long was because he didn’t want to leave Keith. So I wanted him to know that above all I would look after him so he could go in peace.

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54 Comments leave one →
  1. June 3, 2011 7:42 am

    That is such a hard decision to make, but it is an admirable one because it is the right thing to do for poor kody. I’m so sorry for the pain you are all feeling and I’m thinking of you all. Kody will certainly find peace and be watching you both!

  2. June 3, 2011 7:44 am

    I am so sorry you and Keith have to go through this. Kodi sounds like a wonderful friend and I’m sure he knows how much you love him. I hope you find some peace today in your decision. Hugs.

  3. June 3, 2011 7:45 am

    I’m so sorry to hear about Kodi. It’s really hard to make that decision to euthanize a dog but in some ways I think it’s harder to watch him live in pain. Just remember that he was a very lucky dog to have you and Keith and has lived a wonderful life.
    Stay strong 🙂

  4. June 3, 2011 7:52 am

    I can’t even read this whole post. I hate thinking about this! Losing my childhood dog was the saddest thing ever. I was 20 when he died at 15. I have no encouraging words. I have a new dog now and we try to make her whole life wonderful knowing they aren’t around forever. It gets better with time but I’ll always remember my childhood pup.

  5. June 3, 2011 7:54 am

    I just started tearing up reading this. My childhood dog, Ginger, had to be put down when I was 18 (15 years ago) and I still get sad when I think about it. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Hang in there.

  6. June 3, 2011 7:58 am

    I’m crying right now reading this. It’s such a tough decision, but in your heart you know you are doing what’s best for Kodi. Best wishes for peace today in this difficult time.

  7. June 3, 2011 8:29 am

    Oh Kelly and Keith – my heart breaks for you. Good for you both to realize that his quality of life isn’t what a dog’s should be. Such a hard decision. Lot’s of tears for you.

    • June 3, 2011 12:19 pm

      Thanks Rebecca. You know how hard it is…thanks for the thoughts. I need it.

  8. June 3, 2011 8:42 am

    Aw I’m so sorry Kelly, I can’t even imagine having to put my baby to sleep. If he is in pain though you know it’s for the best. I’m so sorry though.

  9. June 3, 2011 8:44 am

    I’m so sorry, Kelly. I know what a big hole losing a pet can create, and it never fully heals. You’re doing the right thing being there for him and doing what’s best. I’ll keep thinking of you today.

    • June 3, 2011 12:19 pm

      Thanks Evan! I appreciate the good thoughts and kind words.

  10. Paula permalink
    June 3, 2011 8:51 am

    I am so sorry for you and Keith! May Codi rest in peace!

  11. June 3, 2011 9:08 am

    Oh Kelly, I am so sorry. I can’t even imagine how difficult this must be for you. Pets are our family, and letting go of them is awful. Still, you’re doing the right thing. When my cat was dying, we didn’t take him in. I think I was hoping he would pull through. He suffered, and I wish he hadn’t. I wish I had taken him to be put down so he wouldn’t have had to go through that. You are absolutely doing what’s right.

  12. June 3, 2011 9:15 am

    Oh Kelly 😦

  13. June 3, 2011 10:14 am

    I’m so sorry! He definitely knows y’all love him – and what a life! I hope to live to be 112. 🙂

    • June 3, 2011 12:18 pm

      Thanks Allena. It has been tough and Keith and I have wrestled with this for months. We finally feel like it is time.

  14. June 3, 2011 10:16 am

    I’m so sorry to read this Kelly!

    Kodi (and all pets) are family members and it is so tough to make this sort of decision. (((hugs)))

  15. Hilary permalink
    June 3, 2011 10:43 am

    Oh Kel. We love him and will miss him, too. You are making a very hard choice but the right one. He has had a wonderful life. Don’t feel like you are betraying him or his trust. He trusts you to maintain his dignity and keep him from pain. That is exactly what you are doing. I’m so sorry.

    • June 3, 2011 12:17 pm

      Thanks Hilary. You and Jensen have been amazing friends through it all and I wouldn’t want anyone else to be with us today except Jensen. He is an amazing doctor and Kodi has always loved him. Knowing that Jensen is going to do this helps both me and Keith feel comfort and peace about the decision.

  16. June 3, 2011 11:18 am

    Kelly– I’m so sorry for you, my dear. I know how hard this is. Our pets are truly a member of our family. He will be greatly missed! xoxo

  17. June 3, 2011 11:18 am

    Oh gosh I’m in tears for you. I know it’s hard but I know you two are making the right decision. I’ll be thinking of you!

  18. June 3, 2011 11:36 am

    My heart goes out to you guys today. The decision to put down a pet is one of the hardest you can make, but knowing that you’re preventing Kodi from suffering is the best gift you can give him- and 16 years is a great, long life! Lean on each other and cry it out when you need to- I learned that when we put one of our cats down this past winter. You’ll be left with only great memories you had of him eventually! 🙂

  19. June 3, 2011 1:16 pm

    Awww Kel, I’m so sorry. That is one of the hardest decisions anyone can ever have to make, and I can totally relate. When I was in college, we had to put down our cat, Gizmo, who was 18 years old and had a nasty tumor growing over his eye. I never realized how much I took him for granted until that day…
    Keeping you and Keith in my thoughts today. 🙂

  20. June 3, 2011 2:22 pm

    Words can’t describe the pain of having to let a pet go. I’m so sorry and can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now. My thoughts are with you and Keith.

  21. June 3, 2011 3:01 pm

    Kelly, I am so sorry for you and Keith. I definitely couldn’t get through your entire post without tearing up. It’s such a hard situation, but always remember the good times with him and that will keep you going. I am thinking about you guys. 🙂

  22. June 3, 2011 3:02 pm

    I’m so, so sorry Kelly. It sounds like he lived a very good and long life though.

  23. June 3, 2011 4:06 pm

    Aw Kelly, my heart breaks for you. It’s one of the toughest things to do. I know Your pup knows you love him though. But I understand that guilty feeling. I felt the same way when we put our dog, Alex, down. I felt incredible guilt for the times I yelled at him. Strangely enough, I had a dream just a few days after he passed and my pup “spoke” to me (no talking, but I guess I understood some how mentally) and he told me he loved me and my family and that he was thankful for his life. Remember, dogs go on past this life and they’ll get to be happy and healthy and your pup will always be with you.

    Hang in there.

  24. June 3, 2011 5:03 pm

    I’ll be thinking of you and sending you strength. Koda is my first pup and I can’t think about a day that she won’t be here. I tear up at the mention of it. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this right now.

  25. June 3, 2011 5:15 pm

    Oh Kelly, I’m so sorry. 😦

    kodi trusted you and Keith and with good reason. You both cared for him and loved him and decided it was his time to be young again.

    Love you, friend.

    • June 3, 2011 5:37 pm

      Thanks Lori. It has been a really hard and emotional day. I keep running through all the times when I yelled at him or lost my patience. I know it doesn’t help matters to sit here and beat myself up…we all say things we wish we could take back (both to people and pets) but I can’t help it. Ugh!

  26. June 3, 2011 6:10 pm

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. What a wonderful dog and what a sweet season of life you’ve shared.

  27. June 4, 2011 1:30 pm

    Right now, I’m that girl crying at Starbucks. Just reading this breaks my heart since I know that I am going to have to deal with Lincoln’s demise one day and can’t imagine what you are going through with having to put him down. As trite as it sounds, he will be in a better place and won’t be in pain. Sending some good vibes your way and for a big ice cream treat for Kodi when he goes to doggie heaven.

  28. June 4, 2011 5:24 pm

    Aww Kelly, tears are in my eyes while reading this. I am so sorry to learn you are going through and having to make this difficult decision. You all are so strong though, keep your heads up and remember that Kodi is off to a better place and he had a fulfilling life with you and Keith

  29. June 5, 2011 10:55 am

    Aww, I’m so sorry! Hang in there, big hugs!!

  30. June 5, 2011 11:56 am

    I am sending you HUGE HUGS!!! Losing a pet is so difficult. They become such a part of the family that it’s terrible to say goodbye to them. I’m so glad you have such happy memories, and I hope you take some time to be messy and emotional about all of this too. Hugs & prayers…

  31. June 5, 2011 2:44 pm

    I have tears in my eyes reading this post.

    Take comfort in the fact that you are doing the right thing, no matter how hard it is. Kodi loves you and knows that you love him. Dogs have a wonderful way of living in the moment and forgetting the moments where we don’t treat them as we should. Just give me one last big hug. Love you.

  32. June 5, 2011 9:13 pm

    Aw… I’m sorry sweets. Pets are always such loved parts of the family! I’m sure he was just wonderful! 🙂

  33. June 6, 2011 11:03 am

    Oh girl… this made my tear up at work. I have two pups who I feel are family. I can’t imagine the hurt you are going through. I do believe there is a special place in heaven for our four legged family members.

    • June 6, 2011 2:46 pm

      Thanks Mandy! Getting out on Saturday with you guys was probably the best thing for me. It took my mind off things and got me out of the house!!

  34. June 6, 2011 2:44 pm

    Aw, Kelly. I can’t believe I just now saw this. I’m so incredibly sorry for your and your husband’s loss. That has to be one of the hardest decisions to make and I teared up reading about it. I know someday if it comes to that point with our girl I’ll be so torn up. Pets really are a part of the family and at least you can take comfort in the fact that your Kodi was so well-loved and led a happy, full life. Thinking of you two.

  35. June 7, 2011 9:34 am

    Oh Kelly, I’m so sorry. Making that decision is so incredibly hard–we love them so much that we want them to stay, but we also don’t want them to suffer. I can’t imagine how difficult that was for you and Keith. I’m sorry for the loss of a great family member and friend. ((hugs))

  36. June 23, 2011 9:53 pm

    I found this post through the one you posted today. Ok, I don’t cry over anything, but dogs. I’ve trained and owned (or been owned) by a dog since I was 6yrs old. I lost both of my dogs during this last year. This is the first time, I haven’t had a dog. Insane and insanly hard. This was a great, heartful, thoughtful post. I love it, although I did have to get a tissue. I’m so sorry, I know how it feels. My dogs are like a family member, so to me, it was like losing a loved one. Sounds strange, but so true. Truth, that’s how I found this post, you listed it as a “being honest”.


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