hi-ho, hi-ho, off to work I go {went}

Well, I did it. I went back to work. I am officially a working mom. I’ve been back exactly one week. I cried the first 4 days. I cried when I woke up, cried as I got ready, and cried as I drove in. I would sit in the parking lot pulling myself together as I walked into the building. It was hard. But the last 2 days I haven’t cried. I still feel a pang as I leave every morning but I am becoming more accustomed to my new routine and I am trying desperately to find a balance. My Principal told me something that really hit home. She told me, “give yourself some grace.”

That was very comforting because I was trying so hard for it all to be perfect on day one. But it life isn’t perfect. It is usually quite messy. It told me that it was okay to be sad about leaving Trey and to feel a little off kilter in my classroom. I felt like I didn’t know my students at all and that felt stressful. But by allowing myself some grace meant that I was allowed to just adjust and relearn my kiddos, reestablish my presence as their teacher, and also make sure that I still felt like I was being the best mom to Trey as I could be.

I finally am starting to feel like I remember my groove with the students and I am learning to focus on quality time with Trey versus the quantity of time. Trey stays at home with a nanny and she is really awesome. I can tell that Trey is comfortable around her and she is great at sending me pictures and texting throughout the day. That helps SO SO SO much. Getting to see him (even through pictures) makes me feel like I am not missing out as much. She also does great developmental actives with him that I would have not thought to do simply because as a first time mom I don’t know. I have learned a lot from her. I am really very happy with our nanny and think she takes great care of Trey. Honestly, I was a little jealous of her at first but I am realizing that there is enough room in Trey’s life and heart for us both. And really who wouldn’t want their child to be with a care taker who cares so much about him already. Now I am grateful for her.

So, there it is. I am giving myself some grace. Grace to find my balance as I establish my role as both a mom and as a working mom. Grace to find my groove so I can be the best mom to Trey and the best teacher to my second graders as I can be.