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dear god

July 27, 2012

So I am warning you in advance but this is kind of a heavy Friday post. But I am also always honest with you guys and never shy away from sharing the tough stuff.

I can’t even begin to count the amount of emails, comments and personal conversations I have had with people regarding God and my miscarriages. I thought about not addressing this but I also feel like it is a part of me and is important lest anyone think I am…gasp…lost.

First I want to start by saying that I have never for one second of my life ever believed that my way is the right or only way. I have always just viewed it as my way. I 100% believe that the idea of religion is man-made and that all religions lead back the same God. Christianity, Islam, Judaism, and all the thousands of other beautiful religions all lead to the same God. It is the way we worship him that has been created by man.

I know that is a very liberal view point and not one shared by many. But it is what I believe.

With that said, I was raised Jewish. I married a Jewish man and if Keith and I get the privilege to be parents we will raise our children Jewish. But I in no way think that Judaism is the only religion in which to find God and eternal bliss with Him. I think all religions are special and unique and very personal to each individual.

Many people recommended books for me to read after my miscarriages. I ended up reading When Bad Things Happen To Good People by Harold Kushner. Mr. Kushner is a Rabbi and, truthfully, that did make it slightly more appealing to me. He also, unfortunately, endured his own struggle with facing his own child’s illness and subsequent death.

This book was amazing for me.

FOR ME. It doesn’t mean it would be amazing for you. But, for me, it was exactly what I needed to hear.

It made sense. It worked. What I took away was that bad things happen in this world. Bad awful things and they can not be explained. But God is here to comfort us and to help take away our pain. To reassure us that He is always in our corner. He can’t protect us and take all the bad things away in this world but he will be there for us to help pick up the pieces. The ultimate Father.

This is exactly what I needed to hear.

I shy away from people who push their religious views without being asked for them. I shy away from people who think I am going to Hell simply because I don’t believe exactly as they do. I shy away from people who feel like they need to “save me”.

I only write this post because I want some people to know that I don’t need saving. My miscarriages were tragic but my relationship with God is good and healthy and perfect for me.

My favorite Bible Verse: Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. (Deuteronomy 6:4–8)

My over arching point here is that for me, for Keith, for our family this works. Our religion works. We are happy. Don’t feel sorry for me. Don’t pray that I see your light. Just be happy that I have a relationship with God that in its own right is beautiful and loving and perfect…

…for me.

Have a wonderful weekend Loves!

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. July 27, 2012 8:00 am

    kelly, i feel like you and i could camp out and talk about all of this for hours. first, i am a christian, pray, go to church regularly and have faith. my biggest issue is with “bad things happening to good people.” not just bad things, but REALLY, really bad things. i understand “free will” and the importance of free will among man, but it’s so hard when horrific and tragic things happen (like the recent shooting in colorado) and i am constantly asking God to help me when i question how it is possible for things like this to happen. i undertand disappointment and bad things, but the HORRIFIC things (rape, murder, torture, etc.) is where i struggle. in my heart, i know that during these times is when God helps us most. my sister’s boyfriend was helpful to me when he said that many people “have something” that they’re hung up on within their faith. something that makes them question things. i think this is healthy for many people and it only lights a fire within me to continue to grow in my relationship with God and have faith. to ask questions, pray, dig deeper. i ask Him for help when things like this happen and i struggle to understand them. i will definitely look into that book. losing a child is so incredibly sad and i’d love to read a religious man’s point of view. thank you for sharing this with all of us.

    • July 27, 2012 8:06 am

      Thanks for such a thoughtful comment Julie! I agree that my biggest struggle is ALSO when bad things happen to good people. This book did help me. I can say that it isn’t for all people. It really does paint God as not all powerful. It paints him as a father figure. One who is not all controlling and instead of being able to prevent bad things He is there to help you deal with it. That viewpoint is not comforting to ALL people but for me it was. Knowing that God doesn’t cause or let bad things happen really helped me feel more at peace.

  2. July 27, 2012 8:03 am

    That is a powerful book. A good read for anyone. Thank you for sharing your heart today friend. Hope we can share another hug soon!

  3. July 27, 2012 8:08 am

    I think that a personal relationships with God is what it’s all about!! Love you Kelly.

    • July 27, 2012 8:12 am

      I agree!! Thanks Katie. This post was really just for me. I am just so tired of people trying to convince me that I need to believe another way. I just wish we could all be more tolerant and more accepting. And just love each other regardless of the differences in our beliefs. I don’t have rose colored glasses that such acceptance will ever happen but if I can lead by example and just accept all religious (or no religious) choices and view it all as beautiful then I have done my part.

  4. July 27, 2012 8:18 am

    I loved this! Well said Kelly. I COMPLETELY agree that whatever your relationship with God, it’s yours to have. Faith, religion, belief – it’s personal and it’s yours and no one else can tell you how to do it. Happy, happy Friday and enjoy your weekend!!

  5. July 27, 2012 8:26 am

    Great post Kelly! I guess I also have a very “liberal” view on religion. I feel like I have a strong relationship with God, but then look at others and see how much “stronger” their relationship is, and I feel this guilt…that I don’t pray enough, don’t go to church enough, don’t preach His Word. But when it all comes down to it, it’s how I personally want my relationship with Him to be and I absolutely do not want to hear how I am not strong enough in my faith from someone…and at the same time, I’m not going to tell you that your faith isn’t “right” or “good enough”.

    Thanks for this post. It helped me feel like I’m not alone in this way of believing and that it’s okay to feel this way!

    Hope you have a GREAT weekend. I’m sure I’ll be updated on Instagram 🙂

    • July 27, 2012 8:29 am

      Honestly? I hate that sometimes religion spawns guilt over not doing enough. If you are happy with your relationship and it is perfect for you then that IS enough. I hope you have a great weekend, friend, and yes Instagram will definitely be updated! ha! 🙂

  6. Kalli and Bill permalink
    July 27, 2012 8:48 am

    i really feel like we would be friends in “real life!” why you ask? because for one you are jewish! i married into a beautiful and loving jewish family and i feel so lucky. second, because you lay it all on the table and are not afraid to be you. third, because i agree with you on this. i am kind of the black sheep of my family. i was brought up in a very orthodox greek family and church is where it is at. though i never particularly felt close to god in church. my god is with me everywhere especially when i look out on to the ocean and when i stand amongst the trees in the mountains. when my father died recently i felt closest to him when i ran (and still do) not so much in the church or when his body lay in that open casket (yikes, that was not right for me). anyway i obviously could go on an on. i have never read that book but maybe i need to pick it up. i think you and keith seem like incredible people and i wish only the best for the both of you (and emma!). thank you for another incredible post kelly!

    • July 27, 2012 1:50 pm

      We would totally be friends. I admire and look up to you so much…you have no idea. And I had no idea that Bill was Jewish! Very cool.

      I also think people can find God in all places. Keith’s mother feels the closet to God when she is surrounded by nature as well. She says she always feels a since of calm and peace. I love that. I am sorry about your Dad but I am glad that there is an activity you can do that brings you closer to your memories of him and helps you to feel like he is a part of you. 🙂

  7. July 27, 2012 2:03 pm

    You wrote so nicely about your views. I know it will work out in the end. It is hard i’m sure to listen to everyone’s thoughts and have them tell you what you need to do. I know it will be a happy outcome for you soon.

  8. July 27, 2012 3:28 pm

    I didn’t even read this before I wrote my blog post and here you go proving me right again Kelly!

    I am glad you have God to comfort you. I was not raised religiously at all. But I feel the awesomeness of nature and sometimes wonder if he’s there.

  9. July 27, 2012 3:29 pm

    PS Did you notice I incorporated the word awesome? I just can’t stop myself today…

  10. July 30, 2012 6:08 am

    Really great post…you truly are amazing in the face of adversity. I think we could all learn a lot!!

    Hope you had a great weekend Kelly.

  11. August 1, 2012 8:14 am

    Very well written post. I have never considered myself a religious person and I don’t associate myself with any one denomination. With that said, I respect EVERYONE’S religion and you hit the nail on the head when said it was a very personal thing.

    I love these REAL posts.

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