expectations

Keith says I have really high expectations of people.

Really high.

I set these high expectations in all my relationships be it personal or professional.

And then inevitably those expectations can not be met and there is then the inevitable “fall from grace” as Keith so aptly puts it.

At first I was miffed. I don’t do that.

But then in some moments of clarity (you know where you take off the rose-colored glasses you have on for yourself) I realized I do do that.

I do set really high expectations for people. I set them high for myself too.

I am hard on people when they fail to live up to the standards I have set for them. I am doubly hard on myself.

But.

I don’t think it is a bad thing to expect a lot from people.

Keith’s point being that it isn’t bad to expect things but it is bad when I let myself get so disappointed when they fall short.

I expect people to always do the right thing.

To be compassionate.

To be good friends.

To make good choices.

When that doesn’t happen I am stricken.

I expect those same things from myself. I am not holding people to any higher of a standard that I hold myself to.

I see Keith’s point.

I see mine too.

I want to believe in people and especially the people whom I call my friends.

I am not saying that I am the perfect person (friend, co-worker, daughter, sister, wife, etc.) Not by a long shot. And when I mess up I want people to forgive me with grace and allow me to apologize and get back on their good side. I want that option.

I give that option.

But sometimes after disappointment after disappointment I give up.

I wallow at how this has happened. I mourn the loss of the person I thought I knew and then I will walk away.

Is it my fault for setting these high standards?

Is it the other person’s fault for falling short?

Is it any fault at all or it just a lesson in life?

I like having high expectations. I think when you have high expectations for yourself and for others they rise to them. I rise to them. But the flip side of that coin in the strong blow you receive when they aren’t met.

Sometimes I am so shocked I feel like I was blindsided. But maybe I have just overlooked the signs. The warning flares that blazed so brightly that I chose to ignore because I believed in that person or in my myself.

Maybe that is why it is so hard to deal with because I ignore the road blocks and keep on going.

But.

This is who I am.

I will continue long after this post to set my high expectations and have my high standards and people and myself will continue to sometimes not measure up.

I guess the challenge is the next time it happens not to be so shocked and to try to see those warning signs along the way.

Do you have high expectations for people and for yourself?