i’ll be happy when…
My mom always used to say to me, “Kelly, don’t say I’ll be happy when….because the problem is what if “when” never comes.”
She’s right.
If I say I’ll be happy when I have a baby then I have to face the fact that a real possibility (no matter how much no one wants to say it) is I may not have one. And then does that mean I won’t ever be happy because my “when” didn’t happen? What about today. The moment I am in right now.
I AM MISSING IT if I focus on “the when”.
I was driving in Austin this weekend, I saw a tattooed up, pregnant, homeless woman holding a sign on the side of the highway. My initial reaction was WTF?! You are pregnant.. Life is so effing unfair. Then it graduated to if she can afford to have tattoo sleeves she can afford to not be holding a sign on the side of the road. Eventually I moved to wonder how much money I could offer her to give up her baby to me.
All of this was at one red light.
All of this got me so worked up I literally was seeing red.
And all of this was incredibly judgmental and unfair on my part.
Hangs my head in shame.
She could be an extremely creative person living in the perfect place for creative minds: Austin.
She could have recently been laid off and feels like she has no other options. Maybe she got the tattoo sleeves when the economy was great and the money was rolling in.
She might make an amazing mom.
I realize that being less angry, less hateful and less judgmental makes me feel better. It makes me feel less like a victim. It makes me glad that of all the battles in this world (poverty, cancer, disease, infidelity, abuse, etc..) that my struggle is what it is.
Someone once told me that if everyone laid all their problems in a big circle for everyone to choose from; we would still go and pick our own. Why? Because we are comfortable in our struggles. We know how to face them.
It’s true. Given someone else’s struggle…I would still pick mine. I wouldn’t trade my life, my marriage, my family for someone else’s. Just like I wouldn’t trade my pregnancy struggles for someone else’s problems.
The grass is not always greener.
Since writing that anger post several weeks ago, I feel like a new person. I feel like I have turned a corner. Maybe now I am not so angry anymore. Maybe I am finally reaching acceptance of the last two miscarriages.
Maybe not. But today, right now, in this minute I am…okay.
I am just a person in a world where bad things happen. Sometimes they happen to me and sometimes they happen to other people. But I am not a victim. I don’t do the victim well.
Instead I am just me. I am just Kelly. I am only what I am and I hope that one day I am blessed with a baby of my own.
But even then…it doesn’t mean life will be perfect. I will still be me. I will still have struggles. Bad things will still happen. It will still just be life.
So I am not going to worry about “the when” and instead focus on “the now.”
Some days I will fail. Some days I won’t. But being aware of it only makes it that much easier to stay in moment and focus on the love I have…today.
myth buster….bummer dude
Raise your hand if you have heard someone say:
“Muscle Weighs More Than Fat.”
Raise your hand if you think this is true.
I hate to bust anyone’s bubble but 1 pound of muscle and 1 pound of fat both weigh 1 pound. Neither weighs more than the other. It is like the old “gotcha joke” of what weighs more 1000 pounds of feathers or a 1000 pounds of bricks? Neither…they are both 1000 pounds.
Same thing with fat and muscle.
Bummer.
I hear people say ALL.THE.TIME. that they are working out but gaining weight but it is okay because muscle weighs more than fat. (said in a sing-song voice)
Um…no…it doesn’t. You are probably gaining weight because you are working out more and due to an increase in hunger aren’t realizing that you are consuming too many calories to create a weight loss.
The difference between muscle and fat is the amount of space they each take up. Meaning if you look at five pounds of muscle and five pounds of fat side by side, the fat takes up more volume, or space, than the muscle. Which explains why two women who both weigh 125 pounds and are the same height can wear two different sizes. One woman’s weight might be made up of more fat causing her to wear a size 6 while the other woman’s weight might be made up of more muscle causing her to wear a size 2.
See the difference?
Muscle is also better because muscle boosts a person’s metabolism, so a pound of muscle will burn more calories at rest than a pound of fat. Even when you’re not exercising — you could be sitting on the couch watching TV — you will be burning more calories just by having more muscle.
So..okay…just wanted to clarify that. For all my friends whose heart I just broke. I’m sorry.
Really.
Sorry.
Did you ever legitimately think muscle weighed more than fat?
I’ll admit I used to. I use to say that line all the time in college. HA!
excitement found in odd places
Don’t laugh but I am kinda obsessed with meatloaf.
It’s the only real “recipe” that I am brave enough to mess around with and make new creations. Something about combining a bunch of things into one loaf and seeing it come out as an amazing concoction really makes me smile.
For real.
I am totally not joking.
I have a BBQ Pineapple Meatloaf (perfect in the summer) and a Turkey Gingersnap Meatloaf (perfect in the fall) up my sleeve.
See? Totally out of the box, right?
One of these days I will share those recipes but not today. Nope. Today we are talking about an Italian Meatloaf with a twist. How about a pizza twist?
Pizza Meatloaf
Serves 5
1.25 pounds ground turkey (or beef)
1/2 can pizza sauce
1 cup Italian breadcrumbs (or oats)
1 egg, beaten
1 green bell pepper, diced
1/2 bag Italian blend cheese
Italian seasoning, to taste
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Mix everything together in a large bowl, except cheese.
Spread half the meat mixture into a loaf pan. Cover with cheese. Spread remaining meat mixture on top.
Bake for 45 minutes.
I am a little giddy looking at the cheese poking out. I am thinking that next time I will add some olives into the mix.
I am such a freak. Only I could be this excited by meatloaf. Heh.
Do you like meatloaf?
I’ll admit that as a child I didn’t care for it but I think I was scarred by the meatloaf-like substance that was served in my school cafeteria. That I promise was not meatloaf.
weekend
This weekend Keith and I headed up to Dallas to see his family. It was a quick little get a way and a fast paced but fun weekend.
We got to see many of our friends who live in Dallas, celebrate all the summer birthdays with Keith’s [huge] family and still have time to take Bella by a local dog park. It was quite a busy weekend but we had a lot of fun. But with that said, we were both happy to return home and enjoy a little R&R before today got started with a vengeance.
Once we got home from Dallas and unpacked everything we both were more than ready for some dinner. I was not in the mood to come up anything that took more than even an ounce of effort and we really didn’t have much to work with thanks to our travel plans this weekend. So I was forced to scrounge around and come up with this: chicken, roasted brussels sprouts and zucchini. It hit the spot!
This morning I was up and at ’em for a 5:30am Body Combat class.
Loooooove that class.
I can take out some major frustrations via kicking the air’s ass. It is great aggression therapy. Ha! And not to mention a heart pumping workout. I always feel like such a bad mama jama when I finish that class. (And yes I totally just said mama jama, what?!)
Next coffee was in order. Like obviously. (Keith and I went to Hawaii last December and we are still rationing out the Kona coffee). I took Bella on her 45 minute walk and am now eating breakfast typing this gem of a post. Heh.
Let’s get this party Monday started.
What did you do this weekend?
What Kelly Said 