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if i am being honest

May 15, 2012

So. I realize that my blogging habit has slowed to a crawl. I used to be so consistent. I used to look forward to it. But recently I just haven’t had the blogging mojo….reading or writing.

Why?

Basically I feel like most of the blogs I read are about fitness and food. There was a time when that interested me but it no longer does. I eat. I workout. But that’s about as obsessed as I am going to get these days. I have so many other things on my mind that what you eat or what you do at the gym really doesn’t matter to me. So I find myself not really even interested in reading a lot of the blogs I used to have to check daily. Meh.

Also, it seems like almost every week another blogger announces she is pregnant. Now don’t misunderstand, I am always always always happy for those people but as someone who so desperately wants to be a mom, and with my history, I don’t really want to subject myself to 9 months of pregnancy updates. Does that make me selfish? Callous? I’m not sure. I get that 99% of my readers don’t get what I am going through. I know that. They sympathize but they don’t empathize with me. And I don’t ever want them to. But 2 miscarriages later, I just don’t have it in me to read happy pregnancy posts.

As far as writing my blog. I am really not that interesting. I’m not! I go to work, I come home, eat dinner, walk the dog, go to bed. And then it starts all over the next day. I’m boring. So finding things to write about has been hard lately. I don’t always want to talk about my miscarriages, or pregnancy or the other 1000 not so positive things that run through my head on a daily basis. Keith and I have decided to not start trying again until October/November so all that means for us is lots of protected sex. Really…I’ve got nothing right now. Maybe once school is out I will have more time on my hands…more time to want to write and come up with witty things to say. But right now it feels like work and more work is not something I am willing to take on at the moment.

So. I guess I don’t know really know where this leaves me. I’m officially stuck. I don’t want to quit the blog but I just feel like I don’t have any where to go with reading blogs or writing blogs. I have 4 blogs that I check daily and probably always will (and those people know who they are because I comment) but other than that I just don’t have the desire.

Watcha think? Any advice??

 

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23 Comments leave one →
  1. May 15, 2012 10:22 am

    Honestly, I think every blogger goes through this– I KNOW I have. You go through phases, you know? Phases where you have lots to say (whether about food and fitness, or totally other topics), and then phases where you look at your blog and just think, “Meh.” I’ve definitely gone through that before, and have come pretty close to just calling it quits on blogging altogether. Something always pulls me back in (sometimes after taking a week or two off), but some day, I’m sure, that will not be the case.

    I love reading your blog, Kelly, but I’d say– take a break!! Give yourself some space away from blog world– I know I’ve had to do that. Sometimes we get so “attached” to checking blogs, keeping up with everything– and then you take a break and it’s like, why did I care so much about commenting on the same 25 blogs every morning?!?

    And NO, it does not make you callous or selfish to not want to read pregnancy updates (and/or baby updates– I totally get it if my blog is one of the ones you need a break from!!)– why punish yourself like that? Spend time with Keith, spend time with your sweet, sweet new pup, and don’t worry about blog reading OR writing until you really want to do it again.

    Thinking of you, friend.

    • May 15, 2012 6:44 pm

      Of course I emailed you too…but thanks for such a sweet comment!

    • May 16, 2012 6:40 am

      totally agree with everything Anna said. Take a break, we’ll all still be here when you come back. And I completely understand you not wanting to read pregnancy updates. ❤ you girl!

  2. Marcee .... ILLINOIS permalink
    May 15, 2012 10:34 am

    Most all of us can understand Kelly. Honest. Feelings are feelings. Right? Of course.

    Whenever available ….. I do read your blog posts. In learning about the/your desire to have a baby, does interest me.

    Yeah, I agree that there are so many new mommies these days. So much to discuss after that baby arrives. HELP! Ha.

    Seems as if every blogger is pregnant, expecting, or has already delivered their little bundle of joy. Those stories are nice too. I enjoy reading the good and not so great stuff. Life isn’t always easy us.

    Many women I have personally known, have had similar issues …. becoming pregnant. Depending how intense the feelings are to become a parent, as you already know, there are other ways of creating a child. Will you and Keith ever consider alternative births?

    All the best in your journey to parenthood Kelly. It can happen.

    Have a lovely summertime.

    • May 15, 2012 6:45 pm

      Thank you Marcee…life is all about the good and the bad.

      • May 15, 2012 7:40 pm

        Oh and I forgot to tell you that yes Keith and I would look at alternative methods. We are going to try one more time and if we, God-forbid, we miscarry again we will start looking at going the adoption route. One way or another we will be parents! 🙂

  3. May 15, 2012 10:35 am

    I think it’s best not to force it. When you have something to say, say it, and when you dont, dont feel pressured to come up with something. I have plenty of days where I just have nothing to say, and so I’ve stopped posting on those days because it’s easier.

    As far as not wanting to read about someone else’s pregnancy, I think that’s 100% normal and doesn’t make you a bad person at all. You’re going through something really difficult right now, and you need to focus on yourself.

  4. May 15, 2012 10:40 am

    This is totally normal. I also stopped blogging as much as I used to and only post when I really am in the mood for it or have something i’m excited and want to shout from the rooftops. And that doesn’t happen every week. As for blogs you read. I change my google reader very often. There are only a handful of blogs I have stuck with consistently and many that I change in and out depending on what I’m going through and passionate about. It’s okay to stop reading and taking blog world breaks, but the great thing about blogging is that you can always find people you can relate to no matter what you are going through. Good Luck!

  5. Kelly Podzimek permalink
    May 15, 2012 12:00 pm

    I love reading your blog. I had a DNC in September and have been trying again waiting every month to be excited. My big fear is that it will happen again (the DNC) or that I won’t even become pregnant again. I have enjoyed reading your blog especially because we share a lot of the same feelings about pregnancies. It’s helped me to realize I am not alone which is so crucial when dealing with a miscarriage. Because you can be surround by people that love you but no one really understands unless it’s happened to them. You feel like a zombie just going through the motions. Don’t force your writing but I wanted to let you know how much I have enjoyed it! Thank you for opening up to us.

    • May 15, 2012 6:45 pm

      I emailed you!! 🙂 But hang in there, Kelly, I am thinking about you!!

  6. Kelli H (Made in Sonoma) permalink
    May 15, 2012 12:11 pm

    Totally understandable!

  7. Chris permalink
    May 15, 2012 12:12 pm

    Hi Kelly. I’m not a blogger myself….just a follower. I stumbled upon your blog through another and I decided to follow you. And if I can be honest………I need to thank you.
    First, because I suffered a miscarriage myself when I was married. This loss played a big part in the destruction of my marriage. The pain that you write about is the pain that I struggle to get over still. Your strength in writing about it made me feel better. Some of the things you have written were MY thoughts unsaid. Unfortunately I know that we are not alone in our pain. And I agree with you – other people’s pregnancies are tough tough tough. It doesn’t make you selfish at all!! One of my girlfriends was at the same point of pregnancy as I was – I lost the baby, she didn’t. 12 years later and I still feel a twinge when I see her son because my baby would be his age. Horrible but true.
    Second, it was through you that I became aware of Project 52 which has changed me. I used to be a person who consistently failed at my ONE resolution. This project has made me a better person. My goals are in front of me – some silly, some intense and difficult – but I feel like i’m working toward something, always improving. I’ve shared it with others and they too love it.
    Take a break. Share when inspiration hits. I hope your baby arrives. I really do. I am pulling for you and your husband.
    Good luck Kelly! And thank you again.

    • May 15, 2012 6:50 pm

      Oh Chris…I have so many things to say I don’t even know where to start. First, THANK YOU, for leaving such an honest comment. It truly touched me and made me tear up a little. Please don’t thank me. I, too, had a friend who was pregnant with me the first time and she now has a beautiful baby girl and I have wrestled with that friendship for a while now. It is too painful to be friends with her but at the same time not her fault that I had a miscarriage and she didn’t. I think it is normal to always compare what might have been against someone you were close with and ended up with something you wanted. That’s just my opinion. Thanks for all the sweet words above. I really can not express what it means to me.

      As far as Project 52 goes…I am DELIGHTED that you are doing it and find it helpful and fun. I think that having some silly resolutions (or goals) is fun because it reminds us that taking time to do the little things is important and healthy. Please update me at the end of the year…I would love to hear how you did!

  8. May 15, 2012 12:19 pm

    I definitely just went through the same thing! I have been so busy and having a terrible time at work and I couldn’t find anything to write about either. I sat at my desk all day, got home and ate something simple like cereal, and did the same thing all over again. Recently, I have tried to get back into it because I really wanted to and because I really do enjoy it…but there is no need to question your decision or how you’re feeling. I have become bored with some blogs too and, usually when I check ones that are my ‘regulars’, I find myself just skimming through looking for something interesting. I try to read them in between the craziness at work, but it just hasn’t been working and I don’t find myself having time to comment like I used to.

    Life gets crazy and it’s hard to always have something to talk about. I will always read no matter when you or how often you post! You know I love ya! 🙂

  9. May 15, 2012 1:44 pm

    I think that every blogger I know has gone through phases. Eventually we give some aspect of blogging up, whether it’s weekends, or, as is the case with me…I find I have TONS to say, but not enough time to read what other people are saying. I often find myself thinking, “Unless I know or have met the person, does it really matter to me what they are working out or how great their sweet potatoes were last night?” People probably think that about me. 🙂

    Take a break, see if inspiration returns, and if not…well at least you had the blogging adventure that you did.

    PS- I’m not a “daily life” blogger because my life is not interesting either.
    PPS- I feel inadequate because everyone else in the healthy living blog world has a husband. Or is planning a wedding. Or is at least dating someone.

    • May 15, 2012 6:52 pm

      That is good advice…being a daily blogger is too much for me but I could maybe do a few times week and still feel satisfied! 🙂 And maybe I need to expland the blogs I read…I know I am missing out on some great ones because I am stuck in my blog rut!

  10. May 15, 2012 2:31 pm

    I think you should blog if you want to. Don’t put pressure on yourself to do something that isn’t bringing you joy right now. If you want to blog, blog. Focus on the things that make you happy right now – you have had enough that doesn’t make you happy going on right now to not waste time on stuff that isn’t making you happy! Speaking of making you happy, when I figure out ‘Magic Mike’, you’ll have to come. I think we’ll all enjoy that and be happy when it’s over!!

  11. May 15, 2012 7:20 pm

    I think you should just blog when you feel like you have something to say. I struggle with this sometimes too. I find myself blogging crap because I feel like I need to update, but really, why?

  12. May 15, 2012 10:12 pm

    Hi Kelly!
    Blogging is supposed to be an enjoyable hobby or a creative outlet, so if it ceases to be that, I say take a break. You don’t need anything else to add stress or pressure to your life. At least that’s what I tell myself. So far, for me, the blogging mojo comes back after a week or so away. And by blogging mojo, I mean posting 2-3 times a week. Maybe just 1-2. 🙂

    I absolutely get you with the pregnancy rush. I know how it feels to feel left out and jealous, especially when some things (like pregnancy) come so easily to some and you wonder if they truly appreciate it.

    I feel like a bit of a grandma in the food/fitness blogging world, as I’m well past the pregnancy/newborn stage, past the first house stage and am in the mid-thirties when life can’t revolve around meals and workouts.

    I’ve said it before, but I think your willingness to be open with your pregnancy struggles has been a ministry to many. You are inspiring and real and if you bow out of the blog scene now, know that you’ve made an honest connection with people.

  13. May 16, 2012 5:48 am

    daily blogging is hard. I don’t know how people do it. I just like life updates and how you are doing. I like the photo a day for inspiration. I love your honesty and usual kell.As for blogging, post what come naturally… when you have time. Youre so creative .

    Tell Keith hello for me.
    xoxo

    p,s,
    seeing you with Bella via FB makes me even more happy!

  14. May 16, 2012 8:59 am

    I know what you mean! I used to be gungho into the health and fitness blogs and now I’m just not caring how far people ran or how many reps they did.

    I’ve cleaned out my Google Reader to reflect more lifestyle blogs as opposed to fitness ones. I think we all go through phases like this with loving / hating blogging.

    I’ve always enjoyed reading your blog and will continue to read whenever you post–no matter how far and few they are apart!

  15. Katie permalink
    May 21, 2012 10:21 pm

    Do what makes you happy! After a recent virus attack from ads on someone’s blog, I stopped reading the blogs I used to read daily. I still (try) to write mine, but there’s no pressure because nobody really reads it. Step back and give yourself a break, if you need. Write when you want, what you want, if you want! Your blog is nice because you seem like a genuine,well-rounded person and not a lot of people come off that way from blogs! 🙂

    I meant to e-mail you back, and haven’t yet. But I hope you’re doing great!

  16. May 29, 2012 6:01 pm

    I totally get where you are coming from. A part of me feels the same way about people who are married and have jobs they love – I don’t want to read their blogs because that’s all they talk about! But another part of me finds that every know and then there is ONE post I will completely relate to….and it almost gives me hope that that stuff (marriage and a job) will one day be mine too!

    That might sounds completely ridiculous and silly.

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