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December 13, 2011

I am not a very trusting person. I always feel like something bad is going to happen.

But sometimes trusting is the only thing you can do.

In October I had a miscarriage. I was open about the pain and the devastation that caused. After having the D&C I was told I had to wait.

Wait to see how my body would respond. I needed to have 2 normal period cycles before Keith and I could start trying again. Although no one could tell me exactly when that first period would come.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

There is so much fear in the waiting. I had no control over what was going on inside me. There have been tears, anger, jealousy and impatience.

Doctors said if I hadn’t started by mid-December I should come back in for some tests. I was scared.

What if I didn’t start?

Will I have fertility problems again?

Am I ever going to be a mom?

Days ticked by and the more desperate I became.

Until yesterday.

I started.

Never in my life have I been so happy to start my period. (My 18-year-old self is laughing at the irony)

I guess I need to learn to trust my body. Trust that it knows what it is doing. Trust that the miscarriage was for a reason and trust that my body is going to be there for me as long as I honor it and trust it and believe in it.

This is the first step in the right direction and today I am just going to be happy about that.

Because, one day,  this man and I are going to be parents!

18 Comments leave one →
  1. December 13, 2011 6:54 am

    Yes you will! I have faith in that because I know you will make excellent parents. Glad to hear your body is doing its thing and I hope you have more good news in the not too distant future. Love you!

  2. December 13, 2011 8:42 am

    Beautiful post! The best way to cope is to take things one day at a time, one success at a time, and this is a success. congrats! enjoy it 😉

  3. December 13, 2011 8:57 am

    Crying over here! SOOOOO happy for you! Babysteps….

  4. December 13, 2011 9:33 am

    Wonderful news! 🙂

  5. December 13, 2011 9:41 am

    I’m so happy for you – this is fantastic news!

  6. December 13, 2011 9:53 am

    that’s great news, and your attitude never ceases to impress.

  7. December 13, 2011 10:08 am

    That’s great!

  8. December 13, 2011 11:13 am

    Yay! Glad it came!

  9. December 13, 2011 12:23 pm

    I hope that day is soon!!!! Xoxo

  10. December 13, 2011 12:47 pm

    this gives me chills! so excited! i think the cheeseburger in PARADISE helped.

  11. December 13, 2011 12:55 pm

    You will be a mom soon!

  12. December 13, 2011 1:12 pm

    You and Keith are going to make such great parents!! So glad for successes like this– congrats!!!

  13. Maren permalink
    December 13, 2011 1:58 pm

    hahaha love the comment about your 18 year old self!! 🙂 Oh the irony is right! Congratulations 😉 It’s definitely a step in the right direction! Cute pic!

  14. December 13, 2011 9:58 pm


    ^^ major excitement 🙂 You know how excited i am for you! My period-ish started yesterday too! SO EXCITED for you! YAY for our stubborn bodies! Love and miss you!

  15. December 15, 2011 12:41 pm

    Smiles for you two. As always, thanks for being so open. You are such an inspiring lady.

  16. December 15, 2011 12:44 pm

    ps – totally random, but this made me think about the first time I got my period AFTER my son was born. For the whole pregnancy (this was post-miscarriage), I was nervous every time I went to the bathroom that I’d see blood. Then I didn’t have a period for a long time after his birth because I was breastfeeding. When I finally had a period I freaked out for a second, because I was so conditioned to think that bleeding was a bad thing. It took a few minutes for my heart rate to calm down and to remember that it was totally normal.

    Oh the joys of womanhood!

  17. December 16, 2011 3:38 pm

    Hooray!!! I’m so happy for you!! You’re on the road to being a mama…even if it seems like it will NEVER happen (I remember those days!). Keep that big smile on your face, pretty lady!


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