trust
I am not a very trusting person. I always feel like something bad is going to happen.
But sometimes trusting is the only thing you can do.
In October I had a miscarriage. I was open about the pain and the devastation that caused. After having the D&C I was told I had to wait.
Wait to see how my body would respond. I needed to have 2 normal period cycles before Keith and I could start trying again. Although no one could tell me exactly when that first period would come.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
There is so much fear in the waiting. I had no control over what was going on inside me. There have been tears, anger, jealousy and impatience.
Doctors said if I hadn’t started by mid-December I should come back in for some tests. I was scared.
What if I didn’t start?
Will I have fertility problems again?
Am I ever going to be a mom?
Days ticked by and the more desperate I became.
Until yesterday.
I started.
Never in my life have I been so happy to start my period. (My 18-year-old self is laughing at the irony)
I guess I need to learn to trust my body. Trust that it knows what it is doing. Trust that the miscarriage was for a reason and trust that my body is going to be there for me as long as I honor it and trust it and believe in it.
This is the first step in the right direction and today I am just going to be happy about that.
Because, one day, this man and I are going to be parents!
What Kelly Said 
Yes you will! I have faith in that because I know you will make excellent parents. Glad to hear your body is doing its thing and I hope you have more good news in the not too distant future. Love you!
Beautiful post! The best way to cope is to take things one day at a time, one success at a time, and this is a success. congrats! enjoy it 😉
Crying over here! SOOOOO happy for you! Babysteps….
Wonderful news! 🙂
I’m so happy for you – this is fantastic news!
that’s great news, and your attitude never ceases to impress.
That’s great!
Yay! Glad it came!
I hope that day is soon!!!! Xoxo
this gives me chills! so excited! i think the cheeseburger in PARADISE helped.
😉
You will be a mom soon!
You and Keith are going to make such great parents!! So glad for successes like this– congrats!!!
hahaha love the comment about your 18 year old self!! 🙂 Oh the irony is right! Congratulations 😉 It’s definitely a step in the right direction! Cute pic!
ansdoashdgoansognasodgas!!!!!!!!!!!
^^ major excitement 🙂 You know how excited i am for you! My period-ish started yesterday too! SO EXCITED for you! YAY for our stubborn bodies! Love and miss you!
Smiles for you two. As always, thanks for being so open. You are such an inspiring lady.
ps – totally random, but this made me think about the first time I got my period AFTER my son was born. For the whole pregnancy (this was post-miscarriage), I was nervous every time I went to the bathroom that I’d see blood. Then I didn’t have a period for a long time after his birth because I was breastfeeding. When I finally had a period I freaked out for a second, because I was so conditioned to think that bleeding was a bad thing. It took a few minutes for my heart rate to calm down and to remember that it was totally normal.
Oh the joys of womanhood!
Hooray!!! I’m so happy for you!! You’re on the road to being a mama…even if it seems like it will NEVER happen (I remember those days!). Keep that big smile on your face, pretty lady!