my secrets to a happy marriage

Yesterday Tina did a post on secrets to a happy marriage in honor of her anniversary. Well it isn’t my anniversary but her post did get me thinking about what qualities I think are important on making my marriage a success.

Talk About Money

Money is a huge part of any relationship and especially a marriage. Financial stress is one thing that can and does tear couples apart. It is important to talk about money and find a system that works for you with regard to your budget. Inevitably someone is going to make more money than the other one and you need to discuss how you are going to handle and factor that part in.

I will share with you how Keith and I handle things. We each have our own checking account. Some people find this odd since we’re married. Don’t you have a joint account and credit cards? The answer is no, we don’t. We have a joint savings account but that’s it. Keith does make more money than me so we split the bills accordingly. He pays more bills that I do. We each pay into the savings and retirement accounts and what is left is ours to do what we want. If Keith comes home with Home Depot bags or I come home with Target bags it doesn’t affect the other person. There is no underlying thoughts like, “Keith used my money too to buy that.” And it also makes it easier when it comes to presents. Neither of us knows when they other one buys anything for the other or how much they cost.

This is what works for us but I think what is more important is finding the system that works for you. Anything you can do to alleviate any financial stress in the marriage is never a bad thing!

Say “I Love You”

Keith and I always say I love you. We say it all the time to one another and 90% of the time it is said just because and out of the blue. There is nothing more comforting than when you are both reading or watching TV and the other one just looks up and says, “I love you.” We also say it even if we are mad at another. If we are angry when we go to bed we still say I love you. If we are angry before leaving for work we still say I love you. Just because you are mad at someone doesn’t mean you don’t love them and hearing those words just reinforces that while while right now I am upset with you I still love you and always will.

Have Sex

I know it sounds obvious but I still think it needs to be said. The longer you are together and the more comfortable you are with one another you start to forget about the magic. But sex is important. Even when you get home from a long day, or feel gross after a big meal, or have a headache. Sex is what keeps you connected on a deeper level. I am not saying you need to have sex everyday (hahaha…if you do that then you’re my hero) but spend multiple times each week reconnecting on that level. Make it fun, act like teenagers and find news way to change it up. 🙂

Compromise

This is another one of those things you know you should do but make sure you actually do! Compromising is part of life and part of any successful partnership. No ones wants to be with someone who always gets their way. There will definitely be times when you don’t want to do something your spouse wants to do but suck it up because there will be a time when you want him to do something he doesn’t want to do. It is all about give and take and give and take. This one was (is) hard for me because I tend to be the more selfish one in our relationship but I work on it all the time.

Find Common Interests

Do things together! You don’t have to spend all your time together but have a few things you like to do together. Whether it is date night, running together, watching a certain TV show every night together, playing on a coed sports team together, reading, whatever…something! Enjoy time away with your friends but also find things you like to do as a couple.

Be Supportive

Everyone is going to go through hard times in their lives and the best thing is having someone unconditionally support you. If your husband doesn’t get that job promotion or comes up with an idea that falls flat, be supportive! When you don’t get that job you interviewed for or an idea you have doesn’t work out you are going to want someone there to believe in you and support you.

Never Be Embarrassed

Never be embarrassed around one another. Everyone is going to do embarrassing things but having someone to laugh about it with makes it a lot more fun when it happens.

Laugh A Lot

And finally…laugh. Laugh a lot and don’t stop.