marriage with a newborn
Before Keith and I had a baby I used to get so upset with people who would associate a baby with the decline of marriage. I literally was adamant about how a baby would not change my marriage for the worse. We would still make time for each other, have sex, and be happy. So here we are 7 weeks post Trey and I want to update you on my thoughts about marriage with a newborn.
First, Keith and I have been together for 9 1/2 years and married for 7 1/2. The first year of dating we both had roommates but after that first year we moved in together and it’s been just us ever since. Over the years we’ve fallen into a very predictable routine that we’ve shaped our married lives around. We’ve been happy and I considered us to be a very good team.
Enter Trey. I realize now that we were not a team but rather two individuals. Two individuals who loved one another, got along and were happy. But we were not a team. We didn’t need one another to perform everyday tasks or to make it through the day.
Having a baby has absolutely positively changed our marriage. I realize now we are a team. Now we operate as a twosome not as individuals. For example, every night Keith feeds Trey his bottle while I pump, or Keith takes Trey while I take a shower and maybe even shave my legs (ha!). I depend on Keith to get normal everyday things done. That is the definition of teamwork. Having a baby has brought new meaning to how much we need one another and that has strengthened our marriage.
Second, seeing Keith as a dad is amazing!! As Trey gets older we both get more confident. I’m amazed at how much more confident we are now at just 7 weeks versus when we brought him home from the hospital. Knowing that Keith is a daddy makes him oh so sexy in my opinion. Finding your husband sexy is never bad for a marriage. 😉😍
Do I miss it just being us? Yes and no. Yes because it was easy. We went to dinner when we wanted, did what we wanted, plans were easy to make and we didn’t have to factor anyone else in. But now that we have Trey I feel like something was missing and Trey has completed our family. Me, Keith, Trey and Bella are a family and I wouldn’t change one thing about it. It’s perfect and hard and messy and the best thing we’ve ever done. And we’re doing it together.
So to all those people who wanted me to know how much my marriage would change…you’re right. It did change. It changed a lot but it changed for the better and Keith and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
What Kelly Said 
Having a baby absolutely changes your marriage. The best part, for me, is the teamwork. It actually strengthened mine and Tony’s relationship. I think that’s a large part of why having a baby was NEVER a burden to us. We worked together and that built a family bond. I love your happy little family Kelly. xoxo
You are right about the teamwork. I recommend regular nights out or even a few hours to run errands together. Makes me feel sane.
Amen, mama! I feel exactly the same about our marriage. Such a blessing to have each other to depend on!
Such a great perspective! Like you, my husband and I were relatively independent before having our now 16-month-old son. We were basically leading our own lives, but together. These days it’s much different. Because every aspect of our lives is grounded in taking care of our son, we rely on each constantly. It’s what true teamwork is all about!
I remember your pre-birth post about the frustration you felt when people would cynically say “just wait until the baby arrives” with regard to your marriage. And I feel the same way! I wholeheartedly believe that my relationship with my husband should always be the most important. At this very moment I am in the middle of the “two week wait” (but I really do think it might be a big, fat +…), and all of the sudden I’m nervous thinking “what have we done?!”, “we have such a good thing going!” even though I DO want a baby… so it was comforting to read this. Sorry for the rambles, but thanks for sharing this piece of your life here!
Oh my goodness well report back and let me know what happens!! I’m pulling for you!
Newborns are hard but having a teammate helps make everything better. It’s an adjustment and I cried a lot the first month. Probably more than the baby..haha! But as time goes by you find your own groove and working with your spouse as a team really helps to mKe it easier.
Good luck!!
I’ve been reading your blog for awhile, but I had to comment on this to say thank you!! I’m pregnant with our first, and this is something I think about often. I really don’t like the negative Nancy’s who focus on how things will change for the worst. So happy to hear your story!
Congratulations on the pregnancy!! I think people are truly trying to be helpful but they don’t realize how they sound. It’s like all sense of manners goes out the window when someone sees a pregnant woman. They ask and say the most inappropriate things that they would never think to say or ask a non pregnant person. Just remember that all the advice in the world won’t change how you and your husband do things. You will find what works for you and that will be perfect for your new family!
Congrats again!