happiness
Day 9 of the 30 day challenge is to talk about how you hope your future will be like. Honestly, all I want is to be happy. Sounds simple, no? But for me it is a big deal. I am not by nature a happy person. Some of you who know me in person might gasp and those of you who only know me via my blog (and pervious blog) might gasp as well. Well there it is. I am not a naturally happy person. It takes work for me to be happy. Meaning I literally have to work at it every.single. day. It is a choice that I have to consciously make. I am envious of those people who are happy all the time and don’t ever think about it. But me choosing to be happy is like me choosing which pair of shoes to wear with a certain outfit. I may sound dramatic (who me?) but I promise that I am not. I really struggle with the idea of happiness.
I realize this makes me sound like a spoiled brat considering I have a great (no fantastic) life. I have wonderful parents whom I am extremely close with. I have a husband and a relationship with him that still makes me swoon. I have a job I like, a house I love, a dog who makes me happy and no major health problems. (Although the procreation thing aint coming easy to me and the hubs) So why then, does it take so much damn work for me to be happy. I wish I knew. But I do know that I have been this way for the majority of my life. I am extremely outgoing, frequently the life of the party, the center of attention and generally fun to be around. But in my own head I struggle.
I don’t want you to think that I wake up every morning depressed with a doom and gloom attitude. It is just that upon waking and starting my morning I do make a real decision about my mood. It doesn’t come naturally. I have always been the “glass half empty” kind of gal. I’ve come to accept this as normal. But I wonder…is it? Is happiness a conscious choice that you make every morning or does it come naturally to you. Does something actually have to happen to make you unhappy?
We all (well the majority of us) have blogs and we all choose to portray the person that the reader sees. But is that person really you? I remember when Grey’s Anatomy first came out. And many many people hated Meredith because of her attitude but I actually related to her because that was me. I wondered did people hate her character because it reminded them of themselves and in turn made watching TV not so much of an escape but a reality check or were those people generally happy and couldn’t relate to that way of thinking?
I truly want to know how other people view happiness. So share it…I am super curious (or nosey but curious sounds better, no?)
What Kelly Said 
I love this post Kelly! I am like you, it’s so hard for me to feel happy and satisfied with me and my life. Often I think everybody else seems so carefree, happy and I just can’t feel that. I always dream of something else and can not see the good in the present. I work hard too, somedays are better somedays just have to take them as they come. It is difficult for me to accept what I am and not to expect everyone to like me or try to be perfect. But then again who says you have to be happy all the time?
So you can be dark and twisty like Meredith?? 🙂
I can be dark and twisty as well, and like you, I’ve just gotta put my happy face on and generally my mood follows.
I can relate to Meredith like no other. She is honestly my favorite charatcher on TV right now. But I know you and me both are Felicity lovers! 😉
To be honest Kelly, I’m like this much of the time too. I remember in my old jobs (in high school and college) when I worked in retail and customers would tell me (quite often!) “why don’t you ever smile?” and “boy you sure look pissed off” — I’m just naturally kind of blue I suppose. I do have to work hard to “pretend” to be super happy and excited about things because it doesn’t come naturally.
I struggle with some depression issues so I am very familiar with the feeling of not being happy.
Thank you so much for sharing that! I think it’s brave that you don’t mind talking about it, as many people can become judgmental over that issue. God bless you ❤
Yeah me too…I definitely have major high and low swings. Sometimes Keith is like woah….because it can change so dramatically so quickly.
It took me 20 years to figure this happiness thing out. It is a choice and you must decide what and who makes you happy to find it. If you read my blog it’s not sugar coated and my real feelings are spilled all over it. I am an outwardly happy person and working on the inside part daily. I do understand what you are saying. I’m glad to hear that you have already figured it out and wish you all the happiness in the world. Thanks for your post, love the quotes :))
I try not to be all sugar and roses all the time either because it isn’t real…at least not for me. I am happy sometimes, sad sometimes and I don’t see the point in blogging if I am not going to be me. You know? I am definitely going to go check out your blog this weekend! Thanks for commenting.
I think you may have a misperception of others and what happiness is, and are being hard on yourself! You are the embodiment of happiness, someone who wakes up and decides to be happy. People aren’t naturally that way, we all have to make a conscious or subconscious decision on our mood. Face it; you ARE a happy person by definition!
I always wonder about blog writers; we really only share what we want the readers to know. I have to remind myself of that when I become insanely jealous over some mom blogs who have their shot together when I barley have time to get dressed in the morning (much less put makeup on.)
I try to share all parts of my life 1) because it is an outlet for me and 2) because I want to share the truth about motherhood (it’s the best thing ever but it’s hard work.)
I totally meant to write *shit* but damn autocorrect edited my potty mouth !
haha that’s funny, i didn’t know it did that!
Just so you know, I love all the sides of Kelly…I’m much the same way. I think most of us are. My happy meter doesn’t go up until about 9-10am. 🙂
After my workout and coffee is usually when I start to perk up.
I sometimes think that I am too shallow to be unhappy. I honestly just never think about a lot of this stuff, and it really worries me sometimes. When people talk about being unhappy, it isn’t that I am always happy, but I don’t understand. I just never really think about being unhappy OR happy. Is that weird?
I don’t think you are shallow…I think you are lucky. We’ll talk more about this in a month…haha!! 🙂
Kelly I really really appreciate this post!! *hugs*
Here I go again~haha. Well, I definitely believe (and learned in human growth&development class) that we all have different temperaments. None of them is BAD per say, it’s just what we do with it that matters in the end. When I was a wee little child, I was quite a happy go lucky kid 95% of the time, but then I always was home alone, etc. b/c parents were working hard. At these times, I would become very lonely and scared. But the amazing thing is that God allllwayyyys comforted me and heard my prayers even as a 4, 5, 6 year old! And even now…! I didn’t grow up in a “Christian” home, but the moment that I knew Jesus was my all in all, I had the greatest joy that I can ever ask for! This isn’t to say that I don’t go through tough times or cry, or throw pity parties, etc., but even when my emotions are being sucky, He comforts me and shows me that my purpose and joy is in Him. I always say, “It’s not about what we do or who we are, but WHOSE we are.” He doesn’t promise us an easy happy go lucky life b/c we’re still in an imperfect world, but He promises us all the grace and strength that we need to walk through it. And in that process, the relationship that I delve into is amazing, as I discover more and more about how beautiful life can be. Love ya girl, and stay strong! Keep rocking as you always do. 😀
I think the fact that you wake up every morning and DECIDE to be happy really says something about you. I think a lot of people would just coast through and not bother trying. I have a lot of respect for people that put in the effort.
Whether it comes naturally or not (and its not always natural for me either), being happy is worth the work. 🙂
It’s a constant struggle for me to just be happy where I’m at. With my job, with Jonathan, with my family, I have to focus on the good things NOW rather than focusing on what I want to happen in the future.
I’m usually in a pretty good mood but get stressed easily. When I’m not in a great mood I always get lots of questions. “What’s wrong?” “Are you okay?” “Are you upset?” NO. I just don’t have to be cheery and smily ALL the time!
I think I’m generally happy b/c I feel blessed in my life. What I have to work hard against is FEAR. I hear stories of kids sick with cancer or kidnapped or molested and the fear starts about something happening to Trent (or future babies). It can almost cripple me and gets me crying at really embarrassing times. I have to tell myself constantly that worrying about what might or might not happen is a waste of my energy. Worrying won’t prevent anything from happening and is robbing me of enjoying the present. Usually works…usually. I call it ‘closing the door and getting back inside my happy bubble’. Ha!
i can relate but it seems like as i have gotten older and gone through some bad stuff, i realize i am happier and more content than i used to be. also being really busy helps because honestly you have less time to ponder life and all that. just my two cents 🙂 happy easter!
“Although the procreation thing aint coming easy to me and the hubs” Thank you for sharing this.
Excellent post! Unfortunately, I am right there with you. Someone asked me where I wanted to be in a year and I said Happy! She responded with…oh, but you always seem so positive and upbeat! haha! We’ll figure this happiness thing out : )
Katie : )
Hoppy Easter !!!
Are you my twin sister!? I just wrote about happiness today and I was just catching up on posts from the weekend and I couldn’t believe it when I read yours! I just had an argument on Sat with my mom and my boyfriend because they were telling me that I need to be happy with what I have and not always look at what everyone else has, the things that are wrong in my life, etc. I felt like they ‘ganged up’ on me and also felt like they were implying I was a spoiled brat and not thankful for what I have. I realized that maybe I got defensive because what they were saying was true. They weren’t trying to be mean and I was totally reading into what they were telling me. I’m good at that! Sometimes I feel like being happy is the hardest thing I work on and I keep hoping someday it will just come naturally. 🙂
No I totally get it and more often than not I feel like I am acting like a spoiled brat too. It makes me feel like a selfish person for mulling over whether or not to be happy. But I think it is a REAL thing and happiness does not always come easily to everyone even when your life is a pretty darn good.
I am the opposite. I am generally a happy person. Yes, I worry, but for the most part, I would much rather be smiling and laughing than anything else. At first, this post reminded me of the answer we gave the minister during premarital counseling. He asked what we wanted out of the marriage. I replied “To have fun.” Because if you’re not having fun, then what is it all about?
One of the best compliments I ever received was in ninth grade. Someone asked if I had a date to homecoming, because I was smiling a lot. The girl behind her said “Since when do you see Anne not smiling?” I just love it!
I do think that it’s a personality thing and not necessarily a decision that I consciously make every day. I just have a natural propensity to be happy and try to make everyone else happy.
😀